So I’ve noticed a recurring theme whilst I’m online dating regarding pictures, men can be summed up into these categories:
The picture of my car guy: ok so you drive a BMW? That don’t impress me much! Never been someone who cares about a persons job or car so this is an automatic (ooh I just used a car pun!) left swipe unless you actually are a transformer then I’m sorry, but I’ve never wanted to have sex with a BMW.
The I’ve been to Ibiza guy: Under no circumstance ever will I swipe right for a long line vest, shorts, huarache wearing suntanned doucheball who claims that he loves ‘travelling’ when all he’s ever done is got pissed and caught herpes from a two week jolly in Ibiza!
The drugged up tiger guy. I’m not even that much of an animal lover but am I attracted to a guy who goes to Thailand and takes a selfie with a poor tiger that’s smacked off its tits? No. Just no. Leave poor Tony alone fellas!
The over filtered guy: Even I feel bad about this one because I haven’t been seen without at least one filter since 2012 but I’m sure some guys get professional pictures taken for online dating sites. Do I really want to see you reclining up against a tree with your face completely airbrushed? No thank you.
The gym selfie guy: one word: repulsive.
The married guy: This is the most confusing to me…. Why on earth would you post pictures of your wedding to try and attract women? Fair enough if you’ve been married before but never do I ever want to see pictures of you cutting your wedding cake or having your first dance as my first impression of you it’s just wierd.
And finally….The I’ve caught a big fish guy: Holding a big ass carp like it’s your long lost love is not sexy! You are not a catch, I could never sea myself with you….ok I ll stop now.
Teezy does it. 
Haha, the way to a woman’s heart… is by catching a massive fish.
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I’ve just read a few of your posts they are really funny!
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Thanks! Glad you like them. I definitely want them to have a humorous side.
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😊
(I don’t have liver failure by the way!)
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Ha! That probably means you don’t have a head that’s a perfect circle either.
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Least I didn’t go for this one…😉the winky face is the sign of a moron
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Good point. And no one winks in real life anyway. The use of that emoji is so disproportionate to reality.
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I would find a real life wink super creepy!
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Yeah. I’ve no idea in what context they’re appropriate. Other than to be deliberately creepy.
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What are your feelings on this one? 😜 super duper creepy, right?!
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I think I make that exact face after a shot of tequila. And this one 😝 moments later when I’m being sick. But that’s normal right? Big fan of 😎, I must confess.
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Oh no not the sunglasses! 🙊 my favourite is this one 🦄 or the sassy nails 💅🏻….apparently I’m a 14 year old! 🙄…actually I am quite fond of the eyes rolling one, comes in handy with some of the douchey comments I get online dating!
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Haha sassy nails… How did people survive without sassy nails emoji. What a day it must have been when that bad boy showed up.
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Oh no that was the day when this one was invented 💩!
Best
Day
Ever!
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I’d like to have been in the meeting when they came up with that.
Boss: “So, we’ve got smiley face, winky face, tongue sticking out face. I think we’re done.”
Team member: “What about… a turd?”
Boss: “…Let’s make it happen.”
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They have a poo but no hug emoji? What’s that all about?!
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Well, I don’t know about you but I rarely message people about hugs. Poo on the other hand? All. The. Time.
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I’ve never actually looked at them all properly until now there’s some other really weird ones…🌫🌬🍙🈲
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Bizarre. I bet, just like people starting actually saying the words “lol” and “hashtag”, the day will come when people actually say “winky face” and “smiley face” at the end of sentences.
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Lol is literally the worst…actually no I think winky face would top it
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Tinder experiment for you…message a girl with ‘winky face’ and nothing else and see what happens!
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Is it bad? Do they get really annoyed and seek revenge by screenshoting my face, photoshoping it onto embarrassing and humiliating situations, sending it to the papers and causing my overall decline as a human being?
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At best you ll probably end up on one of those fail pages on Twitter, at worse…yeah everything you just said
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Hmm seems only fair.
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But I’m still kinda intrigued to see what happens…..
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Alright, you be my guinea pig, yes?
Here goes…
😉
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Marry me! 😂
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Haha! It works! It’s actually a secret weapon!
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Or maybe it’s just the fact you give very good beard!
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Haha that’s the real secret weapon! I once grew it for 8 months. That was not a good beard.
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That was a hobo beard.
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A hobo with a beard comb and cedar and lime scented beard oil. A premium hobo.
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You spelt premium wrong…you meant pretentious! 😉
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Haha you haven’t lived until you’ve had a face that smells of trees 🌳 and fruit 🍋
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So basically like car air freshener then? Mmmm citrusy!
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Very much so. It got a little bit out of hand. There are worse things to look and smell like than a terrorist and a car interior though. Probably.
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Air freshener terrorist…form an orderly queue ladies….
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They didn’t, believe it or not. Probably intimidated by it’s err… fullness.
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Are we still talking about your beard? 🙊
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Wahey!! I see what you’re getting at. It’s true… my stomach was rarely empty during this period 😤
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Fat and beardy….helllloooo Santa!
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If I recreate the image in about 40 years then yeah! I like the idea someone’s going to look at this blog post and think wow look at how many comments there are! Then they’ll see its just 2 people talking about sassy nails, poo and beards.
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Yeah my friend already commented when it was up to 29 comments…it’s gone past 40 now! Sassy nails, poo and beards are pretty standard topics of conversation right?…..right?!
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They’re my go-to ice breakers when I meet someone new, that’s for sure.
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That’s where I’m going wrong I should be hitting up hotties on Tinder asking for their opinion on the poo emoji!
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I bet some people don’t even HAVE an opinion on the poo emoji. Bloody weirdos.
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They need to get their poorities straight!
I’m so sorry that was poorendous!
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Very bad. Might have to call the poolice.
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Yeah it was a pretty shit joke
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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
That was my favourite joke for far longer than is probably normal.
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Ok so I may have just chortled a little….ok a lot!
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Haha! Good, I feel mildly relieved. That’s me saying that now, not a quote from the mathematician.
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So you’re funny and have an outstanding beard…come on at least try and give other guys a chance!
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Don’t worry, underneath it all I’m actually a complete arse so we’re covered on that front. What else is on your criteria?
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Tattoos….I like musicians as well…ooh if you’re Tom hardy that would also help!
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I had to Google Tom Hardy, turns out I’m someone else. Weird. I do play an instrument though. I bought a ukulele about 2 months ago and I’m actually obsessed with it. I’ve recently been learning There She Goes by The La’s!
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You had to google Tom hardy?! Oh dearie me 🙊 ok the ukulele thing is awesome!
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I did, and it might not be the first time because I’ve already forgotten who he is 😯 I fucking love the Uke, it’s a constant distraction. Are you a tattooed musician??
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I have 5 tattoos but I’m not a musician….unfortunately 😞
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You should go for it! What do you want to learn?
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Guitar….man i would look so good with a guitar! 🎸
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Yeah! I think I’m going to progress onto a guitar one day. Uke is a stepping stone.
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Ooh go for it! I’d also like to learn how to play the drums
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Same here. Just generally smash the shit out of them. I can’t help air guitar and air drum when listening to music on the train. Doesn’t look weird at all…
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I’ve been known to sing aloud on the train to Ben Howard (if you have to google him we can’t be friends!) ooh if you can sing like Ben though…. 😍
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Definitely didn’t just Google because I’d never heard of him in my life 😨. Absolutely not. Sounds alright on the old YouTube.
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Where are you from? Under a rock?! Dear oh dear mr getadatein2016!
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I know. I need educating. If someone’s famous, chances are won’t know who they are.
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That’s fine but you’re massively missing out on Ben and Tom! For the singing and acting of course…nothing else…
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Go on. Recommend me something. And though I’m enjoying destroying you blog’s comment stats, if you want to use a different platform, my email is getadatein2016@yahoo.co.uk
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Email? I haven’t emailed someone since 2005! 😏
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I read all of that post saying “yes!” at the end of each paragraph. You have literally summed up the whole thing perfectly – the guys that don’t fall into any of those categories are unfortunately few and far between…a darn shame!
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I know right? It’s such a shame 😒 or they catch you out by having two really good pictures and then bam! Picture 3 is of his souped up Audi!
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Yep, always letting themselves down…
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I’ve never actually looked through men’s profiles so I’ll take your word for it that these douchebags exist, but surely there are other categories??
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These are the categories that I come across most often on different dating apps
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Yes I quite agree! There is also ‘picture of me pointing a gun like I’m a big tough man guy’.
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