Men, funny, dating, online dating, sex, love, romance

A picture is worth a thousand swipes. 

So I’ve noticed a recurring theme whilst I’m online dating regarding pictures, men can be summed up into these categories:

The picture of my car guy: ok so you drive a BMW? That don’t impress me much! Never been someone who cares about a persons job or car so this is an automatic (ooh I just used a car pun!) left swipe unless you actually are a transformer then I’m sorry, but I’ve never wanted to have sex with a BMW. 

The I’ve been to Ibiza guy: Under no circumstance ever will I swipe right for a long line vest, shorts, huarache wearing suntanned doucheball who claims that he loves ‘travelling’ when all he’s ever done is got pissed and caught herpes from a two week jolly in Ibiza! 

The drugged up tiger guy. I’m not even that much of an animal lover but am I attracted to a guy who goes to Thailand and takes a selfie with a poor tiger that’s smacked off its tits? No. Just no. Leave poor Tony alone fellas! 

The over filtered guy: Even I feel bad about this one because I haven’t been seen without at least one filter since 2012 but I’m sure some guys get professional pictures taken for online dating sites. Do I really want to see you reclining up against a tree with your face completely airbrushed? No thank you. 

The gym selfie guy: one word: repulsive. 

The married guy: This is the most confusing to me…. Why on earth would you post pictures of your wedding to try and attract women? Fair enough if you’ve been married before but never do I ever want to see pictures of you cutting your wedding cake or having your first dance as my first impression of you it’s just wierd. 

And finally….The I’ve caught a big fish guy: Holding a big ass carp like it’s your long lost love is not sexy! You are not a catch, I could never sea myself with you….ok I ll stop now. 

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77 thoughts on “A picture is worth a thousand swipes. 

      1. Oh no not the sunglasses! 🙊 my favourite is this one 🦄 or the sassy nails 💅🏻….apparently I’m a 14 year old! 🙄…actually I am quite fond of the eyes rolling one, comes in handy with some of the douchey comments I get online dating!

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      2. I’d like to have been in the meeting when they came up with that.

        Boss: “So, we’ve got smiley face, winky face, tongue sticking out face. I think we’re done.”

        Team member: “What about… a turd?”

        Boss: “…Let’s make it happen.”

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Bizarre. I bet, just like people starting actually saying the words “lol” and “hashtag”, the day will come when people actually say “winky face” and “smiley face” at the end of sentences.

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      4. Is it bad? Do they get really annoyed and seek revenge by screenshoting my face, photoshoping it onto embarrassing and humiliating situations, sending it to the papers and causing my overall decline as a human being?

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      5. If I recreate the image in about 40 years then yeah! I like the idea someone’s going to look at this blog post and think wow look at how many comments there are! Then they’ll see its just 2 people talking about sassy nails, poo and beards.

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      6. Yeah my friend already commented when it was up to 29 comments…it’s gone past 40 now! Sassy nails, poo and beards are pretty standard topics of conversation right?…..right?!

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      7. I had to Google Tom Hardy, turns out I’m someone else. Weird. I do play an instrument though. I bought a ukulele about 2 months ago and I’m actually obsessed with it. I’ve recently been learning There She Goes by The La’s!

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  1. I read all of that post saying “yes!” at the end of each paragraph. You have literally summed up the whole thing perfectly – the guys that don’t fall into any of those categories are unfortunately few and far between…a darn shame!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve never actually looked through men’s profiles so I’ll take your word for it that these douchebags exist, but surely there are other categories??

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