One of the things that surprises me about online dating is how many people lie in their bio.
The first one is age, I’m sure you’re not 25 with grey hair and more wrinkles than my nana. So why lie?
Another is occupation. According to most men online they are either a professional actor (not in anything I’ve seen!) or a musician, the funniest thing happened with this last week I matched with a ‘full time musician’ on Bumble. What he didn’t realise when he was telling me about his days strumming his guitar was that I already kinda knew him and he’s not a full time musician at all unless they are having jam sessions in River Island…yeah mate I work near you! Pretty sure you’re actually a full time shop boy. What’s the point in starting things off with a lie? Unless you don’t plan on actually meeting anyone what does it achieve? Being able to pretend you’re a rockstar online? Yeah I’m sure they’re pure rock and roll when they are bobbing on their supermarket uniform each morning!
Surely as long as you have got a job it doesn’t matter what you do? We’ve all gotta hustle. I don’t write anything in my bio about where I work because I don’t like it but least I’m not lying about it.
So all you part time actors/ musicians just be honest and say you’re a bar tender or a sales assistant, the decent girls won’t judge!
Day 23 of the 31 day blog challenge.
Obviously I’m already living my (worst nightmare!) dream by working as a sales assistant so this will be the shortest blog in history.
Just kidding! My dream job would be a stylist for men. I know you’re all thinking I would be in it for the inside leg measurements and “accidental” glimpses into the changing rooms, but truthfully I just know I would be good at it! I know what looks good on men and I’ve pimped out (jeez that sounds wrong!) a few of my male friends and made them look banging! Proof you can polish a turd if you sprinkle a little Tanya glitter on it.
X is the only male who knows more about clothes and shoes than me. He’s just purchased some Cavalli driving shoes…I didn’t even know driving shoes where a thing? I’m sure they’re not and he just wanted some new shoes, like how I convince myself that I totally need a slightly different shade of suede ankle boots.
So yeah that’s my dream. If not I ll hold out til I become a successful blogger and have my own makeup and clothes range or knowing how this blog tends to go…my own line of condoms!
In my job as a sales assistant I get to meet hundreds of guys a day, the place where I work is more hills have eyes than Hollywood but my top 3 regular customers are as follows:
EE Guy: Not my usual type is a lil chubby with a swoopy fringe but there’s some serious sexual chemistry every time he comes to my till! Today he wasn’t in his uniform and I noticed he had tattoos which obviously made me melt wondering if I can make a phone related joke to get him going…id like his hands to roam all over my data?!
Card shop boy: Probs a little younger than me has tattoos and a beard I get the feeling he’s a little nerdy and probably games. Bet he wonders why my sister has has 5 birthdays in the last 5 months (just kidding! I’ve never been in his shop even though he’s two doors down from me)
Leather jacket man: not a serious contender as he’s 72 but I love him! He has slicked back hair and wears an open shirt and a leather jacket, constantly calls me things like treacle and darling. He also runs a chat roulette style website so the old fella has still got it….if only I was 50 years older!
I’m not sure meeting someone at work is genuinely an option? I mean I have a little flirty flirt with these guys but I have to wear a uniform that I can’t exactly pull off so can’t exactly expect anyone to want to pull it off me! Also what would my opening line be? Would you like a bag? No? How about a blow job? Least you won’t have to pay 5p for that!
I guess I spend so much time there it’s looking more and more like an option and I’ve heard on the grapevine that leather jacket man runs bukkake parties! Could be fun….