Double the Douche. 

So this week has been a case of speaking to guys and then blocking, always a good week dating wise when this happens! 

Let’s start with The Artist, I sort of sensed an immediate clash of personalities but you know me I cracked on! The major warning signs were the questions he was throwing out at me after a day of talking ‘do you fancy me?’ ‘Do you want to fuck me?’ And my personal favourite which is never good ‘how many other guys are you talking to?’ It comes across as soooo needy! Also this may sound wanky but I hate it when I have mundane generic questions thrown at me, I like silly fun conversations that go off on random tangents but here’s this guy asking if I ever had a pet? How does that really learn anything about me? The final straw was when I joked that if he drew me he would get into my pants, well this guy presented me with a doodle and actually thought this meant we would be fucking! Erm…it’s slightly harder than that mate! After he never got the answers that he wanted and I stopped replying he decided that and I quote ‘was a horrible person and he fell into my trap’ my what?! I mean I’ve had a lot of penis but there’s no chance of anyone falling into it! And then he did the classic recovery technique of saying he only messaged me because he was drunk….way to regain your dignity buddy! 

Then there was the racing car driver. A hoot to text (take note doodler!) we were flirting and then he started getting really persistent about coming to my house that night bare in mind we had spoken for about three hours. Well I sacked it off and started speaking to someone else as it started to get annoying. Half an hour later I got an aggressive message asking me why I was still online? Oh god no. I literally can’t be dealing with this shit. If he’s being needy now what would he be like if we were actually going out? So I just straight up blocked him. 

I guess the way I have to look at this now is that maybe it’s a good thing I’m meeting all these dickheads, because eventually they will run out and I will have blocked them all to make way for my prince! I’m being wildly optimistic aren’t I?! 

EmbarrassMANt.

So I’m starting to find some men just  straight up embarrassing! There’s been two separate instances this week that have been laughable. 

Firstly I got a message on snapchat saying that this person had seen me on POF, I asked him to send me a picture, he wasn’t my type so I left it. He kept sending me messages which I ignored until I got one that said I must be a member of the EDL! Number 1, I had to double check what the EDL was as I first thought he meant EDF due to my sparky personality and Number 2, I didn’t reply to him because he was chubby and wearing a shiny suit, nothing down to the fact he was Indian! Just because I didn’t like you poppet doesn’t mean I’m leading the counter Jihad fight it just means you’re not my type! 

Secondly there was Mr Peck, yes I’m using his real name as he’s not interesting enough to have a nickname. He slid into my Twitter DMs, he seemed quite cool until he kept saying really sexual stuff that was just a bit creepy even though I wasn’t giving anything back he kept going but the final straw was when I corrected him on his use of the word ‘of’ and not ‘have’ just a simple joke that I would use on any one that was illiterate enough to think it’s ‘should of’ but Peck kicked off massively said I was a snooty cow and that this was why men only wanted to fuck me because I couldn’t be civil!…oh dear! Well clearly he’s a massive crazy so I blocked him. SHOULD HAVE done it sooner to be honest after he was text pestering me. 

Come on dudes you’re embarrassing yourselves! Please learn to take a hint and if it doesn’t go your way just let it go! The only league I’m joining at the moment is the one of unextraordinary gentlemen! 

Pudsy. 

So the last bit of my previous post was about how I kinda liked someone and i would ruin it…turns out it’s has gone tits up but I literally did nothing wrong. 

So Pudsy (he had an eye thing) seemed really cool at first but then he started to get ridiculously full on ‘I’m in awe of you’ ‘i can’t stop thinking about you’ it’s been two days mate. Chill your fucking boots. 

I thought he was just a nice guy who had a bit of a crush but then the stories started, I was out for dinner with X so Pudsy made up he was on a date to make me jealous. I don’t tell anyone where I work for safety reasons mainly but this guy then stalked my Facebook saw an event I was tagged in, thought this was my work place so pretended he had once seen me in this shop to try and catch me out. Utter craziness! 

I know liking someone makes you do crazy things but fuck me (or not…sorry Puds!) this guy was new level. I genuinely thought he was a sweet guy but this was too much. 

I like guys that are open with their feelings it’s really attractive to me but don’t declare your undying love after less than a week please! 

Oh well another one bites the dust. Thanks dude for being all weird and shit and ruining any chance of me getting laid anytime soon!