Over the past month or so due to some major detachment and some other serious shit going down I’ve realised that there’s more to life than online dating. I barely swipe anymore, and I have no enthusiasm talking to tinderfellas.
Why is this I hear you ask? I realised I’ve already found my soulmate (on a completely non romantic friendship level of course!) actually I have two ( shout out to you mrs Jones!) But I’m going to focus on one today.
Readers of this blog know who I’m talking about so there’s no need for names, you probably also know what’s happened between us over the years and I ll never be able to explain that part because our friendship is more than that.
He gets me 100%. He knows I’m a self destructive nightmare, that I feel as though I don’t deserve him so will constantly push him away and will give him a fuck ton of shit but he accepts that, he’s not a walk over though, he frequently puts me in my place and reigns me in he’s the only man who I allow to hand me my bollocks (after a lot of arguing!).
I’ve had intense friendships with the opposite sex before (I’ve even got the tattoos to prove it!) but this is different. It feels like I have to cherish it and never take it for granted.
I have to admit our friendship does affect relationships. There’s no telling some people that were just friends. I get asked frequently why we’re not together but it’s never been about that. Our friendship is way more important. Do I compare him to other guys? In all honesty, yes. It’s hard not to! I want someone who’s always there for me like he is, who doesn’t judge me, who accepts my crazy who wants to play ridiculous games and answer silly questions and looks out for me. I also want someone who I would take a bullet for because I know (and he knows!) I would for him. He literally means the world to me and it’s taken me long enough to realise I do to him. Also his hair and fashion sense on a tinderfella would be great but now I’m just being picky!
Recently sex and dating has become so empty and boring for me. I can’t stand one dimensional sex talk anymore. It’s not fun. But you know what? it’s not important! If I’m meant to fall in love this year that will happen, it’s ok not to get a million messages a day and get thumb burn from all the swiping and you know why? I’m happy and fulfilled with the people I’ve already got in my life, my soulmates.
One of the things that surprises me about online dating is how many people lie in their bio.
The first one is age, I’m sure you’re not 25 with grey hair and more wrinkles than my nana. So why lie?
Another is occupation. According to most men online they are either a professional actor (not in anything I’ve seen!) or a musician, the funniest thing happened with this last week I matched with a ‘full time musician’ on Bumble. What he didn’t realise when he was telling me about his days strumming his guitar was that I already kinda knew him and he’s not a full time musician at all unless they are having jam sessions in River Island…yeah mate I work near you! Pretty sure you’re actually a full time shop boy. What’s the point in starting things off with a lie? Unless you don’t plan on actually meeting anyone what does it achieve? Being able to pretend you’re a rockstar online? Yeah I’m sure they’re pure rock and roll when they are bobbing on their supermarket uniform each morning!
Surely as long as you have got a job it doesn’t matter what you do? We’ve all gotta hustle. I don’t write anything in my bio about where I work because I don’t like it but least I’m not lying about it.
So all you part time actors/ musicians just be honest and say you’re a bar tender or a sales assistant, the decent girls won’t judge!
Tinder, I have a bone to pick with you…50 million users yet you still keep trying to get me to swipe right on my ex boyfriend? Nah mate.
I can cope with seeing people on there who I’ve had an ONS with or I’ve been on a date with but not him. Every time I see him I get a weird surprising stab of anxiety in my chest.
The first time and that second time a year later we got together made it clear we would never be a match so why does tinder have to taunt me? Im over this guy, I don’t let myself think about him so it’s so annoying seeing his face on my phone when I’m happily having a swipe. I’ve also repeatedly swiped left on this guy so out of everyone why does he have to keep appearing?
His bio is a total lie, but I guess ‘I’m a fucking nightmare’ isn’t going to score him much pussy. He’s obviously still alone though so least he’s not projecting any of his shit on to anyone (yes I’m aware that I’m also still alone…let’s not pull at that thread!) also annoying that he hasn’t gotten fat or ugly which means dreams really don’t come true.
So sort your life out Tinder, yeah? And stop this nonsense or I’m going to have to cheat on you with my crazy sordid boyfriend mr POF.
As my other blog tonight was a bit short and lame I’m going to hit you with a non challenge blog and take it back to some online dating Shiz…Imma bout to put my ranty pants on and ask men to stop using emojis as a substitute for a personality!
Now I’ve fizzled things out with Mr Wright #2 because he bored my pants off and even though he was hot as all holy hell I realised that I didn’t fancy him and would never go out with him. The main reason for this is he just couldn’t hold a conversation, I had reached the point where I’ve stopped texting first because conversations with this guy send me to sleep. He literally answers most questions with this emoji… 👍🏻 wtf am I supposed to do with that? It’s such a conversation stopper. If that emoji was taken away this guy would be fucked. I got bored with pulling him up on it so instead started to reply with it back to quickly end the conversation.
I also don’t like the gif thing they’ve introduced on tinder. Men seem to now think it’s ok to send one of these without any words. I’m sorry dudes but you can’t open a conversation with one of those! I find them so annoying and pointless.
I’m not saying don’t use emojis at all but use them to enhance the conversation (I mean we all melt at this little fella 😘!) not instead of actual words because if you continue to do this you ll just be getting this one back 🖕🏼.
It’s 5:00am and Lips is asleep next to me.
We had our first date yesterday. By date I mean he travelled across London to my house. We kissed as soon as we saw each other and half an hour later we had sex. I know…even I think I may have set a Guiness world record for this one!
We basically haven’t left my bed since 9pm the sex and making out has been amazing but he’s also really cool to chill with. Being with him I’ve totally forgotten all worries about his age but that might be because he fucked my brains out.
He’s funny and charming in real life and really open which is endearing. He’s also beautiful looking which also helps.
We ll see what happens next but for now I need sleep! How can I be awake when my evening has been exhausting? 😉
Over the last couple of days I’ve been chatting to a super hottie…let’s call him Lips (he has the sexiest lips of anyone I’ve ever seen!) he’s cute, funny, sarcastic (which I always like) but there’s a catch. He’s 21.
I swiped Lips on tinder and it said he was 26. A day of constant messages and voice notes earlier he tells me he changed it as he likes older women and they wouldn’t give him a chance. It’s true I would never have swiped him if I knew. After talking to him he’s won me over and I changed my mind. We had a really good conversation on the phone last night and over the last two days I’ve literally had only 4 hours sleep because we’ve been talking so much and he’s piqued my interest.
To be honest I’ve never really been into younger guys. But he seems really mature and when you speak to him hes definitely not your average 21 year old.
I guess it wouldn’t ever really work long term as I can’t see myself settling for someone who’s never known the struggle of life without the Internet but until we meet I can’t really gage that.
10 years difference though…Does he even know what a video tape is? Or phones used to be used for playing snake and not showing me your snake? I know if I think about it I ll talk myself out of meeting him.
I’m just going to carry on chatting with him and see what happens ignoring the fact that I was almost starting high school when he was born…