So I received a comment on my previous post using Xs name and effectively naming and shaming him. Well I say shamed but he’s been on the end of some cracking blowjobs for the last three years and there’s nothing shameful about that. Whoever sent this comment set up a fake email address to spill this supposed tea. Here’s the kicker though…everyone knows who X is! Our friends/ family/ work colleagues always have! As none of them are douchey enough to pull this stunt I’m guessing it’s someone who I’ve chatted to/ dated, also none of them speak like a wannabe roadman…be careful your illiteracy might give you away.
I know you’re not meant to feed the trolls but I’ve decided to choke the cowardly faceless fuck instead….
Firstly I have to approve comments so nobody sees what you’ve written, so if you have a problem you may as well text me. Oh no you’re too scared because that’s would reveal your identity wouldn’t it?
Secondly, are you trying to scare me but subtly revealing you know details about my life? Oh you big man stalking my socials and putting 2 and 2 together. Chill your boots Columbo!
Thirdly, clearly I’ve pissed you off by writing about you and you can’t let it go. Well I’m not going to apologise for calling you out on your ugly personality, you messaging me on here is just proving my point!
Fourthly, thanks for all the effort! Setting up a fake email and reading my posts (hello views!) clearly little old me has impacted on your life!
And finally and this is the most important one…SUCK MY DICK. From what I’ve seen it’s bigger than yours!
As much as I hate to admit it Snoop Dogg himself X was right….grrr!
If you are a reader of this blog you will know in my last post I discussed whether or not it was ok to FB stalk someone who you had just got chatting to online I don’t agree but Mrs Marple X said in this world of modern dating it needs to be done.
So I matched…erm…. let’s call him Cunty Cunterson (you ll find out why in about a second) on Tinder, he seemed nice, a chef with tattoos and a beard and a guitar. I like the idea of a chef mainly because I have haribos for dinner most nights and a steak would be a nice change up from starmix anyhoo we swapped numbers and I noticed on whatsapp his profile picture was of him and a girl, no biggie, I have me and my male friends on there but on the second message the picture had changed to one of his tattoo….ok….so I thought I’d put the conversation I had earlier on in the day with X to the test and look for him on FB as his whatsapp gave me his full name and after about two seconds of searching Cunty Cuntyness…no…Cunty Cupcake…no…Cunty Cunterson…bam I found him!
Straight away I saw that he had a newborn son…didn’t mention him once, also saw that his son very much came with a mother that Cunty was very much still with….FFS I have come across some cretins in recent days but this one takes the biscuit or the rusk in his case!
Did I feel bad about having a look? Yes. Am I glad I did it? Yes. Will I be doing it again? No. Even though I dodged a bullet with this prick I now know there’s some poor woman out there with a newborn baby and her husbands swiping on Tinder it just makes me feel shit that I can’t do anything about it to help her so my foray into stalking is over unless you count my daily wanks over David Beckhams Instagram but come on…Becks though….
I had lunch with X today and we were discussing my recent online crazies and he said I’m going to have to start sluething them to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Great so now to get lai….a date I’m going to have to turn into Jessica Fletcher. (I’m old, your nanna will get that reference!)
Is this really what’s it’s come to? Having to check out people’s social media just to see if they’re normal? And what happens if they post something slightly off? I judge them on this and don’t reply?
I’m trying to think of the main things that would put me off someone just judging by their Facebook. Probably endless selfies, food pics and attention seeking but not really saying anything posts. ‘I’m so upset today’ gets three likes and someone asking them if they’re OK and they reply ‘dm me babe’
I got X to scroll through my Twitter and tell me what he would learn from me about it. I probably come across as a self centered twat, but isn’t that what twitters all about? Having a conversation about yourself hoping someone will join in?. He said I come across ok mainly because I just whore out this blog on there!
It’s so risky though. I don’t want to be 6 years deep into someone’s Facebook and then accidentally like a picture of them with their ex girlfriend, how utterly cringy would that be?
The thing is Facebook makes me hate my actual friends sometimes so online datey dudes don’t even have a chance!
I guess the only thing stalking someone is good for is looking at photos not profile pictures but the ones that they have been tagged in the quickest way ever to watch someone go from Beyoncé to Honey Boo Boo!
I’m hoping that the recent crazies are a one off so I’m not going to have to turn into Sherlock.
Also I’ve mentioned Jessica Fletcher once and have now got the Murder she wrote theme tune stuck In my head. Bollocks.