So tonight I was chatting to an absolute hottie on Bumble, we were just getting to the sexting part when he sends me a selfie, I notice that it has a lot of…let's call it old lady tat… in the background and me being me, asks him and I quote 'what's up with the chintzy shit? Do you live with yo' nana?' He sends me back the GIF of Jonah Hill shaking his head looking disappointed. Now this is a clear indication for anyone to stop talking but no this is me remember?! So I continue with 'I hope she's deaf, because I'm loud' ( little lesson in flirting there ladies, you can even make being deaf sexy!) and I get the reply 'no she's dead' and then he unmatched me!
Now I'm wondering if I just swerved a massive Norman Bates shaped bullet because if she's dead then why is he still living in her house? Or was he just super offended by the term 'chintzy shit?' After I said that apparently not only had his nana died but his boner had as well.
Oh well much like his nanas ashes…another one bites the dust. It's shit like this which makes me think I shouldn't be allowed to talk to other human beings.
Recently I’ve been chatting to Mr A, no shit Sherlock from the title of this blog!
Mr A is one of those rare guys that come along when I’m talking to two or three others and alphas the fuck out of them so Mr B, C and D get phased out and I start to panic that I’ve put all my eggs in one basket! But what’s the point in texting the others when I get the biggest thrill from seeing As name on my screen?
Mr A has veered away from my type this year which has apparently been chavvy wrongens and is back to the skinny hot beardy guitar player that I know and love but he’s much more than a hot face and nice body (saying that he has both of these!) he’s a father of two for a start, if you’ve read this blog before that’s never been the most ideal situation for me but the way he talks about them and having relationships is really reassuring and puts my mind at ease. I like the fact he seems normal and has a stable job. We text all day and speak on the phone and it doesn’t end in dick pics and whatsapp wanks. We do talk about sex but that’s not the main part of the conversation.
We’ve arranged to meet at the weekend (if I don’t fuck it up…hello self destruction my old friend!) and I’m excited about it for once I actually give a shit and don’t feel empty and detached. So wish me luck!
This week I realised that you can fancy someone based off their accent!
Let’s chat about ‘The Londoner’ he messaged me on OKC, he isn’t my standard type, actually he’s about as far away from hipster wanky guitar player as you can get but he’s started winning me over.
As soon as we started doing the voice note thing I got seriously fizzy knickers…his accent is EVERYTHING! This dude calls me ‘treacle’ and I love it! He drops ‘having a bubble’ and ‘dig me out’ into conversation and it makes me want to have a tommy tank, especially when he calls me a sort!
We’ve texted loads on the dog and bone and there’s way more to him than having a nice boat and a cockney accent, this man is an onion with all his layers. He’s holding my attention which is more than I can say for most…or any guy this year!
Have you ever had a passing thought about someone and then they message you out of the blue?
This happened earlier this week with Mr Wright II. When our date was cancelled I just blocked him and moved on didn’t give him a second thought until Tuesday when he randomly popped into my head. My head is like a pin ball machine full of random thoughts so I didn’t think anything of it until I was on my way to bed and I got a snapchat notification saying that Mr Wright II had added me. We got to talking again and yes it did lead to sexting. I don’t see a world where we would ever go out because even though he’s super duper hot we clash too much, but Tuesday night was fun and I’m not going complain about someone who looks like a supermodel snapping me their dick.
The synchronicity thing happens to me a LOT though! So often have I thought about someone and then I hear from them or thought something and it happens. Shame it’s never Tom Hardy hitting me up after I’ve buzzed one out to him but hey ho. I wonder what it’s all about though? I’m not saying I have a sixth sense as anyone that knows me would know I would use my powers for evil!
I have nothing at all to report online dating wise, not really talking to anyone. I’m going through a stage where I ll talk to someone for a few days and if they don’t capture my attention just phase them out. As I said before I’m not settling for anything less than a really strong connection and I’m sticking to that.
In the mean time I’m just gonna keep on dreaming of Tom and hope the hope the world syncs us together!
Before I do my blog challenge for today Imma tell you about the weird night I had tonight with Mr Wright the second…trust me to find someone else with that surname!
I spoke a little about him yesterday he’s seriously beautiful looking think old school Steve McQueen. Actually he’s probably one of the hottest dudes I’ve ever spoken to online which must be saying something! But I’ve learnt I need more than looks and Wrighty mark 2 wasn’t cutting the mustard…he started off well but recently he just started to reply with one word answers unless we were whatsapp wanking. This year I’ve decided I haven’t got time for that shit so I called him out on it and then blocked him. Brutal I know but I’ve spent too long messing about.
Instantly I receive a text telling me it was rude to block him…ok so this boy has got some balls! I replied saying there was no point and he told me that he was shit on text and to be patient. At this point I’m torn on one hand: Steve McQueen on the other captain boring. The last person who was hot but dull and I gave more than one chance to turned out to be a massive cunt.
Long story short I unblocked Mr Wright the second. Maybe I’ve made a mistake but since doing it he’s gone back to being super fun. Maybe he got a bit complacent? I guess the next stage is the phonecall. If I have any doubts about him after that then it will be so long Steve McQueen. I might get him to send me a few pictures first…..the wank bank always needs a fresh deposit!
So I’m not going to see Lips again. He was fine but I need more than that. Ironic I called him lips because I preferred chatting to him than sleeping with him! The sex was average ( I take back ‘amazing’ from my last blog about him because I do this thing where I get caught in the moment in a sex daze and my sex googles come on and then I look back and I’m like…shit I made him cum twice and I didn’t!) he was smart and charming and good looking but I just didn’t feel that spark. Also never get dick pics off a photographer! They sure know how to work their angles…talk about black pudding in pictures and rice pudding in the flesh!
Anyway I’ve gone back to serial sexting and natural selection. (Don’t tell the crazy ex pornstar!) the main contenders are:
Hot but dull: cute face, no personality. I fear he might not make it much further unless he livens up.
Ginger #4: trying to work my way through all the gingers til I can find one that can finally make me cum…come on #4
Backstage pass: let me explain the name, I made a joke about giving him a backstage pass to my mermaid show (which is literally just me in the bath!) kinda sounded like I was inviting him for anal…sometimes I’m rubbish at flirting.
Dave: he’s one of my OG contacts! Finally spoke on the phone after literally 2 years of texting, our schedules never lined up and I had a boyfriend and then he went travelling etc etc. Hes cute and fun. Kinda get the feeling I’d eat him alive but we ll see!
Let’s see which of these animals make it to the jungle…oh god that sounds sooo wrong!