So it's all gone disastrously wrong with Mr A. It's not my fault or even his but circumstances out of his control. I'm not going to go into that as it's not my story to tell.
So what happens next? I'm back at square one. For the 17th time. The.17th. Time. That Sunday I actually let myself believe that things were different and maybe it would work but I was stupid, I've tried to brush this off and have a don't give a shit attitude that I had before but I can't. For once I had sex and didn't feel empty, for once I didn't want him to leave straight away, for once I got the same excitement when he text me after as I had done before. For once I had a teeny bit of hope. Feeling that after months or even a year of not has completely fucked me over.
I'm trying to help him through his shit and be a friend but it's hard, the selfish part of me thinks the timing is so unfair but I know his problems are bigger than that so the other part of me is angry at myself for being selfish.
I've been trying to change and evolve whilst on this journey, meaning I don't let stuff bother me anymore (ha ha….lying here, typing this can't sleep and anxious AF) and it's literally on too the next one so what should I do? Bail and move on or persist and help him through this? I switch on this minute by minute.
Maybe I'm just caught up in the fact he made me feel different? Maybe I have met someone different and he's worth trying to get over this hurdle with? Maybe, maybe, fucking maybe.
I'm sorry this blog is a bit of a shambles. Just reflects how my head is feeling I guess.
So this week has been a case of speaking to guys and then blocking, always a good week dating wise when this happens!
Let’s start with The Artist, I sort of sensed an immediate clash of personalities but you know me I cracked on! The major warning signs were the questions he was throwing out at me after a day of talking ‘do you fancy me?’ ‘Do you want to fuck me?’ And my personal favourite which is never good ‘how many other guys are you talking to?’ It comes across as soooo needy! Also this may sound wanky but I hate it when I have mundane generic questions thrown at me, I like silly fun conversations that go off on random tangents but here’s this guy asking if I ever had a pet? How does that really learn anything about me? The final straw was when I joked that if he drew me he would get into my pants, well this guy presented me with a doodle and actually thought this meant we would be fucking! Erm…it’s slightly harder than that mate! After he never got the answers that he wanted and I stopped replying he decided that and I quote ‘was a horrible person and he fell into my trap’ my what?! I mean I’ve had a lot of penis but there’s no chance of anyone falling into it! And then he did the classic recovery technique of saying he only messaged me because he was drunk….way to regain your dignity buddy!
Then there was the racing car driver. A hoot to text (take note doodler!) we were flirting and then he started getting really persistent about coming to my house that night bare in mind we had spoken for about three hours. Well I sacked it off and started speaking to someone else as it started to get annoying. Half an hour later I got an aggressive message asking me why I was still online? Oh god no. I literally can’t be dealing with this shit. If he’s being needy now what would he be like if we were actually going out? So I just straight up blocked him.
I guess the way I have to look at this now is that maybe it’s a good thing I’m meeting all these dickheads, because eventually they will run out and I will have blocked them all to make way for my prince! I’m being wildly optimistic aren’t I?!
So I received a comment on my previous post using Xs name and effectively naming and shaming him. Well I say shamed but he’s been on the end of some cracking blowjobs for the last three years and there’s nothing shameful about that. Whoever sent this comment set up a fake email address to spill this supposed tea. Here’s the kicker though…everyone knows who X is! Our friends/ family/ work colleagues always have! As none of them are douchey enough to pull this stunt I’m guessing it’s someone who I’ve chatted to/ dated, also none of them speak like a wannabe roadman…be careful your illiteracy might give you away.
I know you’re not meant to feed the trolls but I’ve decided to choke the cowardly faceless fuck instead….
Firstly I have to approve comments so nobody sees what you’ve written, so if you have a problem you may as well text me. Oh no you’re too scared because that’s would reveal your identity wouldn’t it?
Secondly, are you trying to scare me but subtly revealing you know details about my life? Oh you big man stalking my socials and putting 2 and 2 together. Chill your boots Columbo!
Thirdly, clearly I’ve pissed you off by writing about you and you can’t let it go. Well I’m not going to apologise for calling you out on your ugly personality, you messaging me on here is just proving my point!
Fourthly, thanks for all the effort! Setting up a fake email and reading my posts (hello views!) clearly little old me has impacted on your life!
And finally and this is the most important one…SUCK MY DICK. From what I’ve seen it’s bigger than yours!
*DISCLAIMER* I’ve adorned my ranty pants!
So this morning I was going about my day on my way to work and I received a messaged from a guy who said he wanted to ruin me. I’m guessing he didn’t mean financially! I think ‘ruin’ is such a derogatory term. It sounds aggressive and not at all sexy.
This guy has messaged me before and I’ve made it clear I’m not interested, when I told him this and if he kept going he would be ending up on POF Fails, I received these messages.
So just because he can’t handle rejection he thinks it’s ok to threaten a stranger?! Funny thing is I don’t even live in Dunstable!
Then he goes on how he’s found out who I am? So he’s online stalked me…not helping himself look less crazy is he?
The thing is I was never interested in this guy because he looks really aggressive in all his pictures. I hate men that think they’re hard. It’s literally one of my biggest turn offs. Give me a pansy ass skinny dude with a beard any day!
It’s not ok to send these kinds of messages though! If he’s going to be disgusting to me I’m not going to let him get away with it but no one deserves to be threatened.
So fuck you bedscatman! Ironic you’ve called yourself that considering the closest you ll ever get to any pussy is your pof user name!
Last night I wrote a little update blog on why I decided not to go out with Ringo…here’s the details…
We were having a conversation about romance and I said that recently I wasn’t used to it what with Wright, Aled, James and X, suddenly he turned all weird and called me a slag thinking that I had slept with these guys back to back. I tried to explain that I had only slept with two of them and fooled around with the others over the space of a few months but then I realised I’m a 31 year old single woman and I shouldn’t give a fuck what a grade A douchebag off tinder thinks about me!
His double standards are ridiculous! He sends me a picture of his penis (out of the blue!) and I should pretend I’m a virgin? He then says something about it not being appealing…well neither was him telling me he was wanking at every given opportunity!
It’s not like he doesn’t know who I am or what I’m like. He’s read this blog. When he messaged me again one of the first questions he asks what’s how’s X? And then he gets weird about me having sex outside of being in a relationship…I literally have no words! Well no words that don’t include shitbag! He said that he messaged me again as he saw me as a friend, at the time I didnt have the heart to tell him that I thought that was totally weird! But if that’s true you shouldn’t judge your friends should you?
I feel that I have had a lucky escape. I knew I was right about my initial feelings towards him. If anything recent months has taught me is don’t look back because it’s not worth it.
Sorry if this blog has been a bit rantypants but even after all this time some people still suprise me. I’ve guess I’ve just got to get my head round the fact that if they act like a dick, show you their dick, they’re most probably a total dick!