This week I realised that you can fancy someone based off their accent!
Let’s chat about ‘The Londoner’ he messaged me on OKC, he isn’t my standard type, actually he’s about as far away from hipster wanky guitar player as you can get but he’s started winning me over.
As soon as we started doing the voice note thing I got seriously fizzy knickers…his accent is EVERYTHING! This dude calls me ‘treacle’ and I love it! He drops ‘having a bubble’ and ‘dig me out’ into conversation and it makes me want to have a tommy tank, especially when he calls me a sort!
We’ve texted loads on the dog and bone and there’s way more to him than having a nice boat and a cockney accent, this man is an onion with all his layers. He’s holding my attention which is more than I can say for most…or any guy this year!
So watch this space!
So this week has been a case of speaking to guys and then blocking, always a good week dating wise when this happens!
Let’s start with The Artist, I sort of sensed an immediate clash of personalities but you know me I cracked on! The major warning signs were the questions he was throwing out at me after a day of talking ‘do you fancy me?’ ‘Do you want to fuck me?’ And my personal favourite which is never good ‘how many other guys are you talking to?’ It comes across as soooo needy! Also this may sound wanky but I hate it when I have mundane generic questions thrown at me, I like silly fun conversations that go off on random tangents but here’s this guy asking if I ever had a pet? How does that really learn anything about me? The final straw was when I joked that if he drew me he would get into my pants, well this guy presented me with a doodle and actually thought this meant we would be fucking! Erm…it’s slightly harder than that mate! After he never got the answers that he wanted and I stopped replying he decided that and I quote ‘was a horrible person and he fell into my trap’ my what?! I mean I’ve had a lot of penis but there’s no chance of anyone falling into it! And then he did the classic recovery technique of saying he only messaged me because he was drunk….way to regain your dignity buddy!
Then there was the racing car driver. A hoot to text (take note doodler!) we were flirting and then he started getting really persistent about coming to my house that night bare in mind we had spoken for about three hours. Well I sacked it off and started speaking to someone else as it started to get annoying. Half an hour later I got an aggressive message asking me why I was still online? Oh god no. I literally can’t be dealing with this shit. If he’s being needy now what would he be like if we were actually going out? So I just straight up blocked him.
I guess the way I have to look at this now is that maybe it’s a good thing I’m meeting all these dickheads, because eventually they will run out and I will have blocked them all to make way for my prince! I’m being wildly optimistic aren’t I?!
Over the past month or so due to some major detachment and some other serious shit going down I’ve realised that there’s more to life than online dating. I barely swipe anymore, and I have no enthusiasm talking to tinderfellas.
Why is this I hear you ask? I realised I’ve already found my soulmate (on a completely non romantic friendship level of course!) actually I have two ( shout out to you mrs Jones!) But I’m going to focus on one today.
Readers of this blog know who I’m talking about so there’s no need for names, you probably also know what’s happened between us over the years and I ll never be able to explain that part because our friendship is more than that.
He gets me 100%. He knows I’m a self destructive nightmare, that I feel as though I don’t deserve him so will constantly push him away and will give him a fuck ton of shit but he accepts that, he’s not a walk over though, he frequently puts me in my place and reigns me in he’s the only man who I allow to hand me my bollocks (after a lot of arguing!).
I’ve had intense friendships with the opposite sex before (I’ve even got the tattoos to prove it!) but this is different. It feels like I have to cherish it and never take it for granted.
I have to admit our friendship does affect relationships. There’s no telling some people that were just friends. I get asked frequently why we’re not together but it’s never been about that. Our friendship is way more important. Do I compare him to other guys? In all honesty, yes. It’s hard not to! I want someone who’s always there for me like he is, who doesn’t judge me, who accepts my crazy who wants to play ridiculous games and answer silly questions and looks out for me. I also want someone who I would take a bullet for because I know (and he knows!) I would for him. He literally means the world to me and it’s taken me long enough to realise I do to him. Also his hair and fashion sense on a tinderfella would be great but now I’m just being picky!
Recently sex and dating has become so empty and boring for me. I can’t stand one dimensional sex talk anymore. It’s not fun. But you know what? it’s not important! If I’m meant to fall in love this year that will happen, it’s ok not to get a million messages a day and get thumb burn from all the swiping and you know why? I’m happy and fulfilled with the people I’ve already got in my life, my soulmates.
So I received a comment on my previous post using Xs name and effectively naming and shaming him. Well I say shamed but he’s been on the end of some cracking blowjobs for the last three years and there’s nothing shameful about that. Whoever sent this comment set up a fake email address to spill this supposed tea. Here’s the kicker though…everyone knows who X is! Our friends/ family/ work colleagues always have! As none of them are douchey enough to pull this stunt I’m guessing it’s someone who I’ve chatted to/ dated, also none of them speak like a wannabe roadman…be careful your illiteracy might give you away.
I know you’re not meant to feed the trolls but I’ve decided to choke the cowardly faceless fuck instead….
Firstly I have to approve comments so nobody sees what you’ve written, so if you have a problem you may as well text me. Oh no you’re too scared because that’s would reveal your identity wouldn’t it?
Secondly, are you trying to scare me but subtly revealing you know details about my life? Oh you big man stalking my socials and putting 2 and 2 together. Chill your boots Columbo!
Thirdly, clearly I’ve pissed you off by writing about you and you can’t let it go. Well I’m not going to apologise for calling you out on your ugly personality, you messaging me on here is just proving my point!
Fourthly, thanks for all the effort! Setting up a fake email and reading my posts (hello views!) clearly little old me has impacted on your life!
And finally and this is the most important one…SUCK MY DICK. From what I’ve seen it’s bigger than yours!
One of the things that surprises me about online dating is how many people lie in their bio.
The first one is age, I’m sure you’re not 25 with grey hair and more wrinkles than my nana. So why lie?
Another is occupation. According to most men online they are either a professional actor (not in anything I’ve seen!) or a musician, the funniest thing happened with this last week I matched with a ‘full time musician’ on Bumble. What he didn’t realise when he was telling me about his days strumming his guitar was that I already kinda knew him and he’s not a full time musician at all unless they are having jam sessions in River Island…yeah mate I work near you! Pretty sure you’re actually a full time shop boy. What’s the point in starting things off with a lie? Unless you don’t plan on actually meeting anyone what does it achieve? Being able to pretend you’re a rockstar online? Yeah I’m sure they’re pure rock and roll when they are bobbing on their supermarket uniform each morning!
Surely as long as you have got a job it doesn’t matter what you do? We’ve all gotta hustle. I don’t write anything in my bio about where I work because I don’t like it but least I’m not lying about it.
So all you part time actors/ musicians just be honest and say you’re a bar tender or a sales assistant, the decent girls won’t judge!
I feel like I haven’t blogged in ages but I’m kind of in a wierd place with it, I keep talking to ok guys and we arrange dates and it’s all going well til I just get bored. Literally one minute it’s going well and then the next day comes and all excitement and enthusiasm goes and I can’t be assed to text them.
Take the movie guy (he did something with movie makeup) we chatted and then had a nice call, and I’m sure we would have had a really nice date but he text me one day and I just didn’t reply.
And then the gnome (I know this is weird but he looked like a gnome! And once that was in my mind I couldn’t unthink it or unsee the image of him sitting on a toadstool going fishing!) was going really well until yesterday I just didn’t feel anything. He kept asking what’s wrong and I just gave him one word replies. I felt mean until he did the most ridiculous thing and dick pic-ed me out of the blue…talk about not being able to read a mood! After seeing his insufficient penis I was fully done. We had this morning text thing and I just left it, he got the hint as I saw he had then blocked me on twitter…score for you mate! Oh well saves me a job! I guess it’s awkward when you get no…praise?….is that what they want? From a dick pic.
This has been going on since Freckles, I was so in to him until the second he left my house and then it was nothing.
I think I’m all about the chase (fuck I’m such a man!) and then when I’ve got what I want I’m just not interested. I guess it’s going to take someone amazing to break that. Sorry Gnomeo It wasn’t you, but it’s summer, you little fellas love this time of year!
I keep seeing loads of these things online so I’m going to do this: As this is an online dating blog I shall relate this to dating as much as possible but you might learn some new things about me on the way! If anything does happen dating wise I will post separately.
So Day 1: Introduction and a recent photo: My name is Tanya and I really like blow jobs…if you read this blog I don’t think any introductions are needed…but here’s a recap: single, 32 in a week or so (how the fuck did that happen?!) has big boobs and an even bigger personality. Makes a lot of cock jokes! Loves a filter…which leads me on to a recent photo, took this yesterday: I now come with pink hair! Hopefully pink will make the boys wink or I just find a boy who has a fetish for trolls!
Any way I will see you tomorrow for day 2!