Double the Douche. 

So this week has been a case of speaking to guys and then blocking, always a good week dating wise when this happens! 

Let’s start with The Artist, I sort of sensed an immediate clash of personalities but you know me I cracked on! The major warning signs were the questions he was throwing out at me after a day of talking ‘do you fancy me?’ ‘Do you want to fuck me?’ And my personal favourite which is never good ‘how many other guys are you talking to?’ It comes across as soooo needy! Also this may sound wanky but I hate it when I have mundane generic questions thrown at me, I like silly fun conversations that go off on random tangents but here’s this guy asking if I ever had a pet? How does that really learn anything about me? The final straw was when I joked that if he drew me he would get into my pants, well this guy presented me with a doodle and actually thought this meant we would be fucking! Erm…it’s slightly harder than that mate! After he never got the answers that he wanted and I stopped replying he decided that and I quote ‘was a horrible person and he fell into my trap’ my what?! I mean I’ve had a lot of penis but there’s no chance of anyone falling into it! And then he did the classic recovery technique of saying he only messaged me because he was drunk….way to regain your dignity buddy! 

Then there was the racing car driver. A hoot to text (take note doodler!) we were flirting and then he started getting really persistent about coming to my house that night bare in mind we had spoken for about three hours. Well I sacked it off and started speaking to someone else as it started to get annoying. Half an hour later I got an aggressive message asking me why I was still online? Oh god no. I literally can’t be dealing with this shit. If he’s being needy now what would he be like if we were actually going out? So I just straight up blocked him. 

I guess the way I have to look at this now is that maybe it’s a good thing I’m meeting all these dickheads, because eventually they will run out and I will have blocked them all to make way for my prince! I’m being wildly optimistic aren’t I?! 

Soul MATES. 

Over the past month or so due to some major detachment and some other serious shit going down I’ve realised that there’s more to life than online dating. I barely swipe anymore, and I have no enthusiasm talking to tinderfellas. 

Why is this I hear you ask? I realised I’ve already found my soulmate (on a completely non romantic friendship level of course!) actually I have two ( shout out to you mrs Jones!) But I’m going to focus on one today. 

Readers of this blog know who I’m talking about so there’s no need for names, you probably also know what’s happened between us over the years and I ll never be able to explain that part because our friendship is more than that. 

He gets me 100%. He knows I’m a self destructive nightmare, that I feel as though I don’t deserve him so will constantly push him away and will give him a fuck ton of shit but he accepts that, he’s not a walk over though, he frequently puts me in my place and reigns me in he’s the only man who I allow to hand me my bollocks (after a lot of arguing!). 

I’ve had intense friendships with the opposite sex before (I’ve even got the tattoos to prove it!) but this is different. It feels like I have to cherish it and never take it for granted. 

I have to admit our friendship does affect relationships. There’s no telling some people that were just friends. I get asked frequently why we’re not together but it’s never been about that. Our friendship is way more important. Do I compare him to other guys? In all honesty, yes. It’s hard not to! I want someone who’s always there for me like he is, who doesn’t judge me, who accepts my crazy who wants to play ridiculous games and answer silly questions and looks out for me. I also want someone who I would take a bullet for because I know (and he knows!) I would for him. He literally means the world to me and it’s taken me long enough to realise I do to him. Also his hair and fashion sense on a tinderfella would be great but now I’m just being picky! 

Recently sex and dating has become so empty and boring for me. I can’t stand one dimensional sex talk anymore. It’s not fun. But you know what? it’s not important! If I’m meant to fall in love this year that will happen, it’s ok not to get a million messages a day and get thumb burn from all the swiping and you know why? I’m happy and fulfilled with the people I’ve already got in my life, my soulmates. 

Back at it. 

I massively been neglecting my swiping recently (see previous blogs!) so it’s time to get back on it. The thought doesn’t exactly fill me with the warm fuzzies because I’ve realised that as much as I like meeting new people I much prefer just concentrating on one person and finding out about them that’s way more exciting to me. 

I decided to reset my Tinder. I thought it was shady to hit people up whom I’ve ignored for a week. This feels better as it’s a fresh start and the chance to swipe all those hotties who my sausage fingers accidentally said no to the first time round! 

So far I’ve had quite a few matches and some nice little conversations here and there but it’s mostly been a trip down cringey memory lane. I’ve seen two people that I’ve hooked up with…Mr ‘I’ve got a huge dildo under my bed that I can dust off to make you cum’ that line still makes me laugh and simultaneously want to scrub myself clean and then Mr ‘pulls a really intense, distracting sex face’ I don’t know why I ever met him. Looking back he isn’t my type so the fact we got to third base in the cinema and then all the way back at his kinda makes me die inside. I’m the queen of the bad choice. I also keep seeing randos who I’ve had boring mundane conversations with. 

I’m still feeling positive and upbeat. I’ve still got 7 months on my mission to fall in crazy love and be happy. So far this year I’ve met one person who I saw a glimmer of hope of that with so I’m not going to give up! 

What I’m looking forward to. 

Day 28 of the 31 day blog challenge:

I’m actually most looking forward to this year, carrying on with the dating but going in with a fresh approach. No more time wasting, no more tears, just having fun. 

I’ve spent the last two years doing this being uptight and anxious a lot of the time and now I have to let this go. I want to have adventures and be funny and silly with no pressure. 

2017 is the year of the Giant cock after all! 

What I’m afraid of. 

Day 4 of the 31 day blog challenge: 

So you’ve all read about my orniphobia in a previous post but that’s not my biggest fear. I’m going to be straight up honest and say my biggest fear is doing this forever, jumping from penis to penis never being happy and never having anything meaningful. I know it’s possible to meet someone from dating sites as I’ve done it before but recently I’ve literally not met anyone I would even consider going on a second date with. I’m just unhappy with it all at the moment and seriously want someone to come along and totally change that and sweep me off my feet. I’m being really positive about 2017 and not carrying on any of the bullshit from last year. Everyone please help a bitch out and keep everything crossed for me..  PLEASE!!