Over the past month or so due to some major detachment and some other serious shit going down I’ve realised that there’s more to life than online dating. I barely swipe anymore, and I have no enthusiasm talking to tinderfellas.
Why is this I hear you ask? I realised I’ve already found my soulmate (on a completely non romantic friendship level of course!) actually I have two ( shout out to you mrs Jones!) But I’m going to focus on one today.
Readers of this blog know who I’m talking about so there’s no need for names, you probably also know what’s happened between us over the years and I ll never be able to explain that part because our friendship is more than that.
He gets me 100%. He knows I’m a self destructive nightmare, that I feel as though I don’t deserve him so will constantly push him away and will give him a fuck ton of shit but he accepts that, he’s not a walk over though, he frequently puts me in my place and reigns me in he’s the only man who I allow to hand me my bollocks (after a lot of arguing!).
I’ve had intense friendships with the opposite sex before (I’ve even got the tattoos to prove it!) but this is different. It feels like I have to cherish it and never take it for granted.
I have to admit our friendship does affect relationships. There’s no telling some people that were just friends. I get asked frequently why we’re not together but it’s never been about that. Our friendship is way more important. Do I compare him to other guys? In all honesty, yes. It’s hard not to! I want someone who’s always there for me like he is, who doesn’t judge me, who accepts my crazy who wants to play ridiculous games and answer silly questions and looks out for me. I also want someone who I would take a bullet for because I know (and he knows!) I would for him. He literally means the world to me and it’s taken me long enough to realise I do to him. Also his hair and fashion sense on a tinderfella would be great but now I’m just being picky!
Recently sex and dating has become so empty and boring for me. I can’t stand one dimensional sex talk anymore. It’s not fun. But you know what? it’s not important! If I’m meant to fall in love this year that will happen, it’s ok not to get a million messages a day and get thumb burn from all the swiping and you know why? I’m happy and fulfilled with the people I’ve already got in my life, my soulmates.
So I received a comment on my previous post using Xs name and effectively naming and shaming him. Well I say shamed but he’s been on the end of some cracking blowjobs for the last three years and there’s nothing shameful about that. Whoever sent this comment set up a fake email address to spill this supposed tea. Here’s the kicker though…everyone knows who X is! Our friends/ family/ work colleagues always have! As none of them are douchey enough to pull this stunt I’m guessing it’s someone who I’ve chatted to/ dated, also none of them speak like a wannabe roadman…be careful your illiteracy might give you away.
I know you’re not meant to feed the trolls but I’ve decided to choke the cowardly faceless fuck instead….
Firstly I have to approve comments so nobody sees what you’ve written, so if you have a problem you may as well text me. Oh no you’re too scared because that’s would reveal your identity wouldn’t it?
Secondly, are you trying to scare me but subtly revealing you know details about my life? Oh you big man stalking my socials and putting 2 and 2 together. Chill your boots Columbo!
Thirdly, clearly I’ve pissed you off by writing about you and you can’t let it go. Well I’m not going to apologise for calling you out on your ugly personality, you messaging me on here is just proving my point!
Fourthly, thanks for all the effort! Setting up a fake email and reading my posts (hello views!) clearly little old me has impacted on your life!
And finally and this is the most important one…SUCK MY DICK. From what I’ve seen it’s bigger than yours!
I think I’m going to do more of an overview of my day as people really don’t need to know when I’ve been for a piss!
2:00am: time for bed! For some reason I thought it was a good idea to watch The Final Destination beforehand…helloooo nightmares!
10:00am: don’t judge me for getting up late! It’s my day off and I usually set my alarm for 6:00am. I’m not a morning person so that never ever gets any easier!
12:30-4:00pm: met up with my beautiful friend Ashley. He’s so fun and we always have a lovely time together. Today was shopping time!
19:00: finally home! I popped into some shops on my way back and if I was an annoying YouTube vlogger I would be filming a ‘mini clothes and beauty haul’ video for you now but seeing as I’m just an annoying blogger I purchased some foundation, 3 lipsticks, 2 nail polishes and 3 tshirts. Come on how much better now is your life for knowing that?!
Now I’m at home I’m gonna snuggle down, have some dinner and watch some tv and perhaps do some swiping, but first I need to calm down after a seriously hard core rock and roll day!
So last night my dating world and my friends collided and it actually worked out really well!
It was day 3 of my birthday celebrations so myself (obvs!) X and a few other friends went to the bar that Wheels lives above. I guess it was a weird set up looking back as theres been sex involved with two birthday party attendees!
Wheels fitted straight into my friendship group, almost like he had always been there, everyone loved him. It was really lovely to see. I’m so happy that I can now call him my friend and everything else has been gotten out of our systems!
X and I had a little fumble again before the party started. I’ve just accepted now that it happens when we are unsupervised so unless we make sure we never hang out by ourselves our underwear is probably going to come off.
Anyway I’m going to post this and get back to sleeping. I had a lot to drink last night and now I’m an old lady I can’t handle that shit!
So I finally had my date with wheels. I say ‘date’ it just involved us getting drunk and high!
I’m going to count this as lucky number 13 though as even though there was zero romance or fancying each other I genuinely think I have made a real friend who I actually care about. To me that means so much more than going out with someone and all that hassle because to me this is infinite. We get along so well and I genuinely hope he is in my life for a very long time.
After a 3 month build up wheels has exceeded all expectations. He’s kind, smart charming and funny he’s also very beautiful so even if he doesn’t give me the horn whoever ends up with him is very very lucky.
2017 has started really positively with dating I really hope this continues.
**UPDATE** so after I wrote this blog last night Wheels came to bed and we had quite a lot of sex. It just happened and definitely won’t happen again. Drunk and high Tanya does not make the best decisions!
My best friend is married and she was having fun swiping for me on tinder considering she knows my exact type. The men in the midlands are completely different to men down here they tend to be…erm…more manly than my type! I like skinny looking hobos who say they are ‘photographers’ and stuff like that but up there they all have proper manly jobs like carpentry and farming. I should probably fancy them because they look like the kinda guys who will take care of you.
I had a few matches but I wasn’t seriously swiping as I don’t want to do long distance although I guess it would be nice to find someone up there so I could be closer to my best friend Jessica my actual true love!
After a few days away I’ve come back feeling more refreshed about the apps. I also had a fun, kinda unexpected phone conversation with a tinderfella last night so I ll keep you posted with what happens next.
So I spoke to Wheels on the phone last night which was erm….interesting! I always think a phone call is good before a date because you can gage whether or not you click.
Wheels is a really really nice guy and is decent and funny but…I don’t know. He’s not like any of my friends or people that I’ve dated. That’s probably a good thing but on the other hand after speaking to him for 3 hours I know I don’t want to sleep with him! Before he had an air of mystery and danger and the fact he is such a free spirit made him sexy as fuck but now I know him better he just isn’t how I had built him up in my head.
We’ve arranged to go out for a drink next week. Definitely not a date. I’m not going to shave my legs or wear my best outfit because I just don’t fancy him. He’s sooooo nice though I guess I don’t want the three weeks we’ve spent talking to go to waste and I think we would have fun on a purely patonic basis. Is it worth going? I don’t know. I guess I didn’t go online dating to find a friend.
On the upside I will have managed to stay out of mischief for two whole weeks as I’ve got more chance of hooking up with Tom Hardy than I have wheels! Off to the nunnery I go!