Over the past month or so due to some major detachment and some other serious shit going down I’ve realised that there’s more to life than online dating. I barely swipe anymore, and I have no enthusiasm talking to tinderfellas.
Why is this I hear you ask? I realised I’ve already found my soulmate (on a completely non romantic friendship level of course!) actually I have two ( shout out to you mrs Jones!) But I’m going to focus on one today.
Readers of this blog know who I’m talking about so there’s no need for names, you probably also know what’s happened between us over the years and I ll never be able to explain that part because our friendship is more than that.
He gets me 100%. He knows I’m a self destructive nightmare, that I feel as though I don’t deserve him so will constantly push him away and will give him a fuck ton of shit but he accepts that, he’s not a walk over though, he frequently puts me in my place and reigns me in he’s the only man who I allow to hand me my bollocks (after a lot of arguing!).
I’ve had intense friendships with the opposite sex before (I’ve even got the tattoos to prove it!) but this is different. It feels like I have to cherish it and never take it for granted.
I have to admit our friendship does affect relationships. There’s no telling some people that were just friends. I get asked frequently why we’re not together but it’s never been about that. Our friendship is way more important. Do I compare him to other guys? In all honesty, yes. It’s hard not to! I want someone who’s always there for me like he is, who doesn’t judge me, who accepts my crazy who wants to play ridiculous games and answer silly questions and looks out for me. I also want someone who I would take a bullet for because I know (and he knows!) I would for him. He literally means the world to me and it’s taken me long enough to realise I do to him. Also his hair and fashion sense on a tinderfella would be great but now I’m just being picky!
Recently sex and dating has become so empty and boring for me. I can’t stand one dimensional sex talk anymore. It’s not fun. But you know what? it’s not important! If I’m meant to fall in love this year that will happen, it’s ok not to get a million messages a day and get thumb burn from all the swiping and you know why? I’m happy and fulfilled with the people I’ve already got in my life, my soulmates.
So I’m not going to see Lips again. He was fine but I need more than that. Ironic I called him lips because I preferred chatting to him than sleeping with him! The sex was average ( I take back ‘amazing’ from my last blog about him because I do this thing where I get caught in the moment in a sex daze and my sex googles come on and then I look back and I’m like…shit I made him cum twice and I didn’t!) he was smart and charming and good looking but I just didn’t feel that spark. Also never get dick pics off a photographer! They sure know how to work their angles…talk about black pudding in pictures and rice pudding in the flesh!
Anyway I’ve gone back to serial sexting and natural selection. (Don’t tell the crazy ex pornstar!) the main contenders are:
Hot but dull: cute face, no personality. I fear he might not make it much further unless he livens up.
Ginger #4: trying to work my way through all the gingers til I can find one that can finally make me cum…come on #4
Backstage pass: let me explain the name, I made a joke about giving him a backstage pass to my mermaid show (which is literally just me in the bath!) kinda sounded like I was inviting him for anal…sometimes I’m rubbish at flirting.
Dave: he’s one of my OG contacts! Finally spoke on the phone after literally 2 years of texting, our schedules never lined up and I had a boyfriend and then he went travelling etc etc. Hes cute and fun. Kinda get the feeling I’d eat him alive but we ll see!
Let’s see which of these animals make it to the jungle…oh god that sounds sooo wrong!
Last night Mr Wright read this blog back to me, it was so interesting to see how much I’ve changed but it was even more interesting to hear his reactions to it!
Let me explain about Mr Wright. Sweet as fuck, I mean he once played me Ben Howard on his guitar to cheer me up…..that literally made me melt! I had my reservations at first because he’s very shy but recently he’s been coming out of his shell and I’ve got to see his personality and I like it! There’s deffo more to him than a beard and a guitar.
He knew about this blog from our intial POF exchanges and we’ve been getting on so well that I linked him to it he was the person I was most worried about reading it because he seems so sweet and innocent, I mean there’s not been much flirting and there’s deffo no chance of a dick pic which at first made me think he was boring but then I realised that I’ve become so used to random online dick that it’s does not make someone boring just because he doesn’t want to show me his genitals it makes them normal!
I didn’t think that he would judge me from reading it but I didn’t want him to think less of me I suppose but he took it so well asked all of the right questions and laughed in all of the right places! I definitely want to go on a date with him did I mention he wrote me song? Yes he WROTE ME A SONG!…I ll go get my umbrella because the forcast is WET! That’s literally the quickest way to turn me on! So any dude that does that is totally worth meeting.