So I had my date with The Scientist, hands down the best. Date. Ever!
I’m not going to go in to all the details but it was over the whole weekend and involved pickles, horror movies, kisses, snuggles, sex, kisses, the beach, a power station, kisses, Essex, more kissing and fire works.
In a previous blog post I said nice guys finish last, I was wrong. For the first time ever I went on a date with someone who was so genuinely sweet and nice and he was hotter and sexier than any bad boy ever.
So I was having a conversation with X about our favourite moments together and mine was when I broke his bed, I realised that I’ve had quite a few embarrassing moments along the way with online dating dudes and a fair few with with X. I’m not talking about the bit after when I’m asking them to leave I’m talking about the before and erm…during.
So let’s get on to the bed, it was the first time I went to Xs house. (I clearly make the best first impression!!) and I was quite a lot drunky. All I remember was (and I still find this HILARIOUS) maybe sitti…stumbling on to it and it sinking then rolling over and it sinking some more. We had to spend the rest of the night at such a weird angle. Didn’t stop us doing all the bits though. Before you feel sorry for X that he had to shell out for a new bed, keep reading.
Talking of first impressions I remember the first time I ever went back to James’ room and we were being all sexy and he pushes me down on the bed except he pushed quite hard (don’t worry I like that!) and I smack my head so hard on this ridge round his bed that I actually see stars! My eyes rolled in the of my head that night for all the wrong reasons!
Our second date didn’t go much better imagine half way though a blowjob his room gets raided by the Feds? Yep that happened. Left a sour taste in my mouth in more ways than one.
My most awkward moment during was with X he was pounding away happily and half way through he gets a groin injury! So he pulls out and tells me he can’t carry on…erm…I don’t care if your leg has fallen off, son. You are finishing! He didn’t. The geezer half sexed me. Not cool. Three years down the line he’s obviously made it up to me but still.
Another awkward moment was when I fell asleep during phone sex. With someone who shall remain anonymous. To be fair it was at like 4am and we had been on the phone for hours. The thing was I styled it out and woke up before he noticed. My snoring and sex moans obviously sound the same. I was happy though I got a nap and a orgasm in one phone call!
Right I’m going to stop with these now. When I’m wondering why I’m single I should just look back at these shouldn’t I? I’m the girl that will break your bed and get off to sleep when I’m meant to be getting you off!
So I have a date on Friday with The Scientist. He’s cute and funny and is just nice. The spark isn’t 100% there for me yet but after my last blog post I’m going to give him a chance. I do like him but I have a feeling I’m probably going to be a bit much.
The funniest thing is, is that his dad is a vicar. Can you imagine this going well and me being introduced to a vicar?! I have the worst potty mouth ever! I don’t even deliberately do it, it just slips out. The scientist rarely swears as it is so I have to bite my tongue a lot. But I can see me accidentally saying the worst possible thing.
He does seem super innocent as well so I hope I can corrupt him…I mean open him up a little bit. I think this is why I like him. He’s the opposite to any one I’ve recently spoken to. He’s kind and caring….any way I ll keep you updated!
I read this statement recently that said ‘I love men but I love my sanity more’ and that really resonated with me.
My craziness comes when I actually like someone, my head fucks itself over and issues with self worth and self doubt creep in. Other than the last month this year has been fine as I’ve not let myself get attached, so I guess the solution is carry on doing the casual thing forever? 😦 I guess that works right now as I’m not talking to anyone and the ones I have spoken to I don’t feel enough connection with to take things further.
I’m fully aware it’s also just three and a teeny bit months before xmas and I’m still single so can we all ignore those blogs where I said this was going to be my year and I would fall in love….cringe!
So I'm back to having multiple fun sexy conversations and it's been good for me, even if the deeper connection isn't there yet it's still nice not to be burdened by other people's issues.
I haven't heard from Mr A, I guess it goes to show who he is that he can't even apologise for the last really shitty week. I'm still a little wounded by the fact he wasn't who he made out he was but that's online dating for you, people lie to get what they want.
Anyway, I do have a date planned for the weekend….if we manage to pull this (not him….yet!) off then it will be a very long time coming…..3 years in fact! I ll keep you posted!
So it's all gone disastrously wrong with Mr A. It's not my fault or even his but circumstances out of his control. I'm not going to go into that as it's not my story to tell.
So what happens next? I'm back at square one. For the 17th time. The.17th. Time. That Sunday I actually let myself believe that things were different and maybe it would work but I was stupid, I've tried to brush this off and have a don't give a shit attitude that I had before but I can't. For once I had sex and didn't feel empty, for once I didn't want him to leave straight away, for once I got the same excitement when he text me after as I had done before. For once I had a teeny bit of hope. Feeling that after months or even a year of not has completely fucked me over.
I'm trying to help him through his shit and be a friend but it's hard, the selfish part of me thinks the timing is so unfair but I know his problems are bigger than that so the other part of me is angry at myself for being selfish.
I've been trying to change and evolve whilst on this journey, meaning I don't let stuff bother me anymore (ha ha….lying here, typing this can't sleep and anxious AF) and it's literally on too the next one so what should I do? Bail and move on or persist and help him through this? I switch on this minute by minute.
Maybe I'm just caught up in the fact he made me feel different? Maybe I have met someone different and he's worth trying to get over this hurdle with? Maybe, maybe, fucking maybe.
I'm sorry this blog is a bit of a shambles. Just reflects how my head is feeling I guess.
Recently I’ve been chatting to Mr A, no shit Sherlock from the title of this blog!
Mr A is one of those rare guys that come along when I’m talking to two or three others and alphas the fuck out of them so Mr B, C and D get phased out and I start to panic that I’ve put all my eggs in one basket! But what’s the point in texting the others when I get the biggest thrill from seeing As name on my screen?
Mr A has veered away from my type this year which has apparently been chavvy wrongens and is back to the skinny hot beardy guitar player that I know and love but he’s much more than a hot face and nice body (saying that he has both of these!) he’s a father of two for a start, if you’ve read this blog before that’s never been the most ideal situation for me but the way he talks about them and having relationships is really reassuring and puts my mind at ease. I like the fact he seems normal and has a stable job. We text all day and speak on the phone and it doesn’t end in dick pics and whatsapp wanks. We do talk about sex but that’s not the main part of the conversation.
We’ve arranged to meet at the weekend (if I don’t fuck it up…hello self destruction my old friend!) and I’m excited about it for once I actually give a shit and don’t feel empty and detached. So wish me luck!