Son of a preacher man.

So I have a date on Friday with The Scientist. He’s cute and funny and is just nice. The spark isn’t 100% there for me yet but after my last blog post I’m going to give him a chance. I do like him but I have a feeling I’m probably going to be a bit much.

The funniest thing is, is that his dad is a vicar. Can you imagine this going well and me being introduced to a vicar?! I have the worst potty mouth ever! I don’t even deliberately do it, it just slips out. The scientist rarely swears as it is so I have to bite my tongue a lot. But I can see me accidentally saying the worst possible thing.

He does seem super innocent as well so I hope I can corrupt him…I mean open him up a little bit. I think this is why I like him. He’s the opposite to any one I’ve recently spoken to. He’s kind and caring….any way I ll keep you updated!

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Saturday thoughts: why do nice guys finish last?

Why is it that I can be talking to the sweetest most lovely guy who I know would be great for me and treat me like the fucking queen that I am but I feel nothing for them and yet the horrible bellends are the ones that get stuck in my head and under my skin?

I’m not talking about bad boys here I’m talking about the guys who get kicks from making you feel like shit, you know the ones. They say the most hurtful and mean things and pass it off as a joke, they never let you forget your mistakes but keep making their own, get you to change but aren’t willing to. They make everything a test and are waiting for you to trip up just so they can pick you apart, they get offended when you treat them badly but they’ve been treating you that way all along. They act the Billy Big Bollocks behind their phone but when it comes down to it have no bollocks at all. Yeah THEM GUYS!

Why is no one (well no one I’ve encountered) a mixture of both of these? Nice but not cringey. Sweet but not a walkover. Funny but not cruel. Forgiving and able to forget. Willing to take action and not just say empty words….annnnnd have a big pair of bollocks?

Where you at mate? Where. Are. You. At?!?!

It’s never going to work.

So I’ve come to a conclusion why online dating doesn’t work for me, relationship wise, not one night stand wise.

Firstly there’s too much choice. I’ve touched on this before how I’m always thinking that the next swipe will be better than the last. It’s overwhelming. It’s like being able to have all the flavours of Ice cream you’ve ever wanted but can’t even make a confident choice about one.

Everything is too fast. ‘I like your face’ swipe right! ‘Your bio is boring’ swipe left! Expectations are too high and nothing is left to develop. How much can you really know about someone through a few dates or whatsapp? But if I don’t feel it I instantly just shut them down.

I think about the thousands of messages (not being cocky, I’ve been here a while!) that I’ve ignored because they just say hi or hey. What if they are just shy or shit at messaging? but I don’t give them a chance.

The first person who I was infatuated with I would never have swiped them on Tinder, he wasn’t my type at all looks wise but after spending time with him I had hella feels. Then there’s my beloved X, I would have 100% swiped him but I don’t think it would have gotten past messaging. I’m too sexual and flirty and he’s too unique. So I would have missed out on two people (especially X) who mean or have meant a lot to me.

Instant sparks are over rated as well, it’s all about sustaining chemistry. No sparks at the beginning doesn’t mean there won’t ever be sparks down the line. Recent instant sparks have lead to fire works then full time explosions all for nothing when I’ve only ever whatsapped them. I guess it works both ways. Letting things develop can mean the person you thought was right for you is completely the opposite.

It all comes down to time for me. I don’t have a lot of it spare and it’s precious for me so until now I’ve been choosy in who I give it to. (Choosy and wrong! See all previous posts!)

Going forward what am I going to do knowing that it probably isn’t going to ever work for me? Am I going to give up? Of course not! I’m going to try and be a bit more mindful of others and less judgemental on their first message. I’ve still got just over two months of this year to go after all!

Mr Wright #2. One year later.

Regular readers of this blog will know that Mr Wright 2 is in the top 5 hottest ever guys I’ve spoken to and in the bottom five personality wise, (a thumbs up emoji is not a substitute for a personality poppet!) anyway throughout the year he hits me up on Snapchat and we…you know…we became master-mates.

Recently I stopped getting anything out of it though, actually tbh I’m not sure I ever got anything out of it, other than the fact I’m never going to complain about a seriously hot guy sending me pictures of his piece and telling me he’s wanking over me. The thing was, he made it weird. After we got off he would block me. I’m not sure why? I never messaged him once, we have nothing in common, at least if we were knocking one out I didn’t have to read his poor banter. But he would do it every time and I would forget about him until he would re add me again.

I shut this shit down the other day and just blocked him, he’s hot but I’ve seen his dick so much now I could pick it out of a lineup. I’m also not down with all his weird nonsense. He was only ever using me for a more personal wank.

I need to stop giving people like this the time of day and only talk to people who actually bring something to my life. I was never going to meet Wright as I know the date would have been so bland. All this is just wasting my time and distracting me from finding my beloved. I’m too easily turned by being horny and someone with a pretty face.

Day 271.

So for the first time in 3…or is it 4 years now I’m not talking to anyone and I’ve gotta say it’s weird. Also let’s ignore the fact that the person who I want to text me is totally wrong for me and it’s a disaster but annnnnyyyywwwaaaayyyy….I know this will probably change soon and tomorrow I’ll have like six conversations on the go but until then my phone is dead.

My POF account randomly disappeared a few days back so I had to restart that, it’s still the same old faces and weird messages. Some dude asked me if I wanted to watch him play? I’m guessing he meant with himself and he’s not a live action charades champion.

My Tinder has been dry since X edited my bio to make it less (in his words!) sexual. To be honest I didn’t think it was that bad having ‘get laid or die swiping’ on there. Clearly a clever play on words and a homage to my homeboy 50 cent, it just shows I’m a OG not a HO.

Bumble as per usual has so much bait I need a fishing rod and today I got told I wasn’t fun because I said no to having sex with someone after one message.

OkCupid always seems to have such a weird mix of creatures and they’re always from Germany or somewhere super far away. Now unless you’re Alexander Skarsgard or even his brother Bill (ladies have you seen him? Is it wrong to fancy a muderous clown? sorry I digress) then I’m not doing the commute.

I guess it’s good to have a break but it’s also really boring! I miss wanting to chat to someone.

Insanity

I read this statement recently that said ‘I love men but I love my sanity more’ and that really resonated with me.

My craziness comes when I actually like someone, my head fucks itself over and issues with self worth and self doubt creep in. Other than the last month this year has been fine as I’ve not let myself get attached, so I guess the solution is carry on doing the casual thing forever? 😦 I guess that works right now as I’m not talking to anyone and the ones I have spoken to I don’t feel enough connection with to take things further.

I’m fully aware it’s also just three and a teeny bit months before xmas and I’m still single so can we all ignore those blogs where I said this was going to be my year and I would fall in love….cringe!

Roc(oc)kets.

Whenever I stop focusing on one person and go back to the sausage party I always find it hard to get back into. Matches aren’t a problem but decent conversation is. Take the Rocket Scientist for example, Houston we have a problem! I thought I would be in for some nerdy scientist chat which I was totally up for but he keeps making lame ass rocket metaphors about his peen. Once was funny 247 times the joke wears thin, or the hottie on Tinder who opened with ‘Hun’ I kindly forgave him for that monstrosity but his chat is so dry he’s making my vagine feel like the Sahara. There was also the geezer who asked me if we were going back to mine or a hotel on the first date…erm neither, son. We weren’t even sexting he asked me how my day was and than said that. I know instant connections happen rarely but I have to hold out for more than rocket puns and seedy hotel rooms.