So I’ve spent my third consecutive weekend with The Scientist and…oh god…. let’s not make a big deal out of this, but the apps are gone annnnnnd I have a boyfriend…sssh. I’m cringing hard right now but I’m also happy.
I have these wobbles thinking where’s the drama? Why isn’t there any tension? Why isn’t he a massive twat? Why am I not winding him up and pressing his buttons? I know it’s crazy but that’s the way relationships have always gone for me.
I like that we’re polar opposites, he’s the vicars son and I’m the spawn of Satan. I don’t recognise myself with him as I’m so sweet and cringey but for some reason it just fits, were so comfortable and never stop laughing but then there’s the whole other side where we can’t even make it through a tv programme without having amazing sex. He just makes me happy.
We had an awkward moment in the supermarket the other day, we high fived each other as we found our fave pasta and the sales assistant was watching and putting stock out was like ‘aww you’re in love!’ Erm….it’s the third date, steady on Susan! I don’t think I’ve ever blushed so hard in my life!
So yeah….I’m happy with him and it feels good. Unusual for a lone wolf like me but good.
It’s that time of the year again when I marvel at how quickly the year has gone and reflects on what’s happened dating wise.
I’m not going to sugar coat it but this year has been tough. I’ve been in situations out of my control and that I never thought I would be in. I’ve done things that I never thought I would have to do. I’ve had awful dates and met some even more awful people. I’ve cried, had anxiety but it’s ok, I got through it and I’m still here.
I’ve also had fun, been on some good dates, had some good sex and laughed and made connections.
I’m ending this year dating The Scientist. Who knows what’s going to happen there? At least he’s showed me that there are some genuinely nice people in this world.
So I had my date with The Scientist, hands down the best. Date. Ever!
I’m not going to go in to all the details but it was over the whole weekend and involved pickles, horror movies, kisses, snuggles, sex, kisses, the beach, a power station, kisses, Essex, more kissing and fire works.
In a previous blog post I said nice guys finish last, I was wrong. For the first time ever I went on a date with someone who was so genuinely sweet and nice and he was hotter and sexier than any bad boy ever.
So I was having a conversation with X about our favourite moments together and mine was when I broke his bed, I realised that I’ve had quite a few embarrassing moments along the way with online dating dudes and a fair few with with X. I’m not talking about the bit after when I’m asking them to leave I’m talking about the before and erm…during.
So let’s get on to the bed, it was the first time I went to Xs house. (I clearly make the best first impression!!) and I was quite a lot drunky. All I remember was (and I still find this HILARIOUS) maybe sitti…stumbling on to it and it sinking then rolling over and it sinking some more. We had to spend the rest of the night at such a weird angle. Didn’t stop us doing all the bits though. Before you feel sorry for X that he had to shell out for a new bed, keep reading.
Talking of first impressions I remember the first time I ever went back to James’ room and we were being all sexy and he pushes me down on the bed except he pushed quite hard (don’t worry I like that!) and I smack my head so hard on this ridge round his bed that I actually see stars! My eyes rolled in the of my head that night for all the wrong reasons!
Our second date didn’t go much better imagine half way though a blowjob his room gets raided by the Feds? Yep that happened. Left a sour taste in my mouth in more ways than one.
My most awkward moment during was with X he was pounding away happily and half way through he gets a groin injury! So he pulls out and tells me he can’t carry on…erm…I don’t care if your leg has fallen off, son. You are finishing! He didn’t. The geezer half sexed me. Not cool. Three years down the line he’s obviously made it up to me but still.
Another awkward moment was when I fell asleep during phone sex. With someone who shall remain anonymous. To be fair it was at like 4am and we had been on the phone for hours. The thing was I styled it out and woke up before he noticed. My snoring and sex moans obviously sound the same. I was happy though I got a nap and a orgasm in one phone call!
Right I’m going to stop with these now. When I’m wondering why I’m single I should just look back at these shouldn’t I? I’m the girl that will break your bed and get off to sleep when I’m meant to be getting you off!
Before I start this post I best point out that it’s not about the time I went down on a sailor….
‘Submarining’ is another one of these dating terms that have popped up recently like catfishing and breadcrumbing. It means when someone disappears with out explanation and reappears with out one.
This has happened to me with one individual over the years of doing this…Mr Hot but Dull. I’ve been guilty of replying to him in the past mainly trying to get him to explain what the fuck he’s playing at. He always says he thinks of me and then texts…no mate you get pissed and start hitting up randoms in your phone book more like! I can’t even remember how long we spoke for initially? Maybe a few weeks. But he was so dull I let him go. Since then he must have messaged me probably four or five times for a few days and then disappeared. I always made it clear that nothing would happen so what was he getting out of it? We never had enough in common to be friends, and you know, I like to meet up with my friends not just sporadically text them. I always replied because I thought he was lonely and I’m a sucker for the underdog. The last time this happened though I just realised that it was bollocks and I’m not the RSPCA- it’s not up to me to be nice to waifs and strays!
Have I been guilty of submarining in the past? God no! If someone doesn’t do it for me anymore I’m not going to slide back into their DMs just because I’m bored or horny, which I guess this is the whole reason this has become a thing. Seriously peeps have you never heard of Netflix or porn?
Next time you think of doing this guys. Don’t. Theres only one time us ladies like a men going down, popping up and going down again.
So I have a date on Friday with The Scientist. He’s cute and funny and is just nice. The spark isn’t 100% there for me yet but after my last blog post I’m going to give him a chance. I do like him but I have a feeling I’m probably going to be a bit much.
The funniest thing is, is that his dad is a vicar. Can you imagine this going well and me being introduced to a vicar?! I have the worst potty mouth ever! I don’t even deliberately do it, it just slips out. The scientist rarely swears as it is so I have to bite my tongue a lot. But I can see me accidentally saying the worst possible thing.
He does seem super innocent as well so I hope I can corrupt him…I mean open him up a little bit. I think this is why I like him. He’s the opposite to any one I’ve recently spoken to. He’s kind and caring….any way I ll keep you updated!
Why is it that I can be talking to the sweetest most lovely guy who I know would be great for me and treat me like the fucking queen that I am but I feel nothing for them and yet the horrible bellends are the ones that get stuck in my head and under my skin?
I’m not talking about bad boys here I’m talking about the guys who get kicks from making you feel like shit, you know the ones. They say the most hurtful and mean things and pass it off as a joke, they never let you forget your mistakes but keep making their own, get you to change but aren’t willing to. They make everything a test and are waiting for you to trip up just so they can pick you apart, they get offended when you treat them badly but they’ve been treating you that way all along. They act the Billy Big Bollocks behind their phone but when it comes down to it have no bollocks at all. Yeah THEM GUYS!
Why is no one (well no one I’ve encountered) a mixture of both of these? Nice but not cringey. Sweet but not a walkover. Funny but not cruel. Forgiving and able to forget. Willing to take action and not just say empty words….annnnnd have a big pair of bollocks?
Where you at mate? Where. Are. You. At?!?!