Double the Douche. 

So this week has been a case of speaking to guys and then blocking, always a good week dating wise when this happens! 

Let’s start with The Artist, I sort of sensed an immediate clash of personalities but you know me I cracked on! The major warning signs were the questions he was throwing out at me after a day of talking ‘do you fancy me?’ ‘Do you want to fuck me?’ And my personal favourite which is never good ‘how many other guys are you talking to?’ It comes across as soooo needy! Also this may sound wanky but I hate it when I have mundane generic questions thrown at me, I like silly fun conversations that go off on random tangents but here’s this guy asking if I ever had a pet? How does that really learn anything about me? The final straw was when I joked that if he drew me he would get into my pants, well this guy presented me with a doodle and actually thought this meant we would be fucking! Erm…it’s slightly harder than that mate! After he never got the answers that he wanted and I stopped replying he decided that and I quote ‘was a horrible person and he fell into my trap’ my what?! I mean I’ve had a lot of penis but there’s no chance of anyone falling into it! And then he did the classic recovery technique of saying he only messaged me because he was drunk….way to regain your dignity buddy! 

Then there was the racing car driver. A hoot to text (take note doodler!) we were flirting and then he started getting really persistent about coming to my house that night bare in mind we had spoken for about three hours. Well I sacked it off and started speaking to someone else as it started to get annoying. Half an hour later I got an aggressive message asking me why I was still online? Oh god no. I literally can’t be dealing with this shit. If he’s being needy now what would he be like if we were actually going out? So I just straight up blocked him. 

I guess the way I have to look at this now is that maybe it’s a good thing I’m meeting all these dickheads, because eventually they will run out and I will have blocked them all to make way for my prince! I’m being wildly optimistic aren’t I?! 

Why did you have to go and make things so complicated? 

Oh god where do I start? 

Let’s talk about the guy who brought my horn back…The Horn Dog. We’ve been texting for just under a week, he’s fun and silly and really sexy. He’s my perfect type looks wise and penis size wise. He’s made me excited about doing this again and I actually can’t wait to meet him. 

But because someone somewhere hates me my life can never ever be that simple can it? 

The Dr has returned! Let me talk about the Dr, he was my second ever online date, we literally spoke for months before meeting up as that’s what I used to do back in the day, it was pretty intense. We went on a date in Camden and he was really nervous he got drunk which did put me off a bit but I still really liked him. He went a bit cold after our date and I was really really upset when he didn’t want to see me again. A week or so ago I saw him on Tinder and gave him a nostalgic right swipe. Last night he starts properly messaging me. I ask him what happened last time and basically he was intimidated by X. Totally my fault for being so open about it, I wouldn’t like a man who has a friendship with a women like mine with X so I get him being intimidated. I wish he had told me this two years ago though so I could have explained the situation. 

So now I’m in a pickle! I’ve never been one to date more than one man. It’s not me. Right now I really want to go out with The Horn Dog, I fancy him and I want to see what happens. 

Where does that leave The Dr? My whole mission this year was to not look back, move on and be happy. Going back was a massive mistake once, is there any point in doing it again? But on the other hand maybe he came back into my life for a reason? Aggghhh I’m so confused! 

Tune in next time kids for another instalment of Teezys crazy life! I have a feeling that this it’s only about to get more crazy! 

Oops I did it again! 

So apparently I’m not so good at changing! I was all set to go along with my cosmic ordering and do this shit properly but then I got talking to Wheels! 

He doesn’t have any of the attributes I wrote on my list (see previous blog) he doesn’t even have a beard! Hes is shorter than me and he smokes a lot of green…but he’s still uber hot. He’s got that dishevelled thing going on. He sent me a picture of him in an old denim jacket and it had an affect on me or my vagina! So yes we started sexting basically all day and it ended up with a mutual whatsapp wank. I know I said no more bad boys and druggies. It’s been a year since I found that attractive but that denim jacket though! 

What do I do now? Sack it off?  as it probably would only ever be casual sex. Even though it would probably be good sex but the way it’s started I don’t see him as a long term guy. Maybe we just got horny and carried away and it’s wrong to write him off so quickly? I haven’t had sex in two weeks and I haven’t had good sex in a lot longer. Should I go out with him and just see? Ahh it’s so complicated! 

I’m only sure of one thing at the moment the lady boner is raging! And if I don’t have sex/ find the man of my dreams soon Duracell will be going out of business