Over the past month or so due to some major detachment and some other serious shit going down I’ve realised that there’s more to life than online dating. I barely swipe anymore, and I have no enthusiasm talking to tinderfellas.
Why is this I hear you ask? I realised I’ve already found my soulmate (on a completely non romantic friendship level of course!) actually I have two ( shout out to you mrs Jones!) But I’m going to focus on one today.
Readers of this blog know who I’m talking about so there’s no need for names, you probably also know what’s happened between us over the years and I ll never be able to explain that part because our friendship is more than that.
He gets me 100%. He knows I’m a self destructive nightmare, that I feel as though I don’t deserve him so will constantly push him away and will give him a fuck ton of shit but he accepts that, he’s not a walk over though, he frequently puts me in my place and reigns me in he’s the only man who I allow to hand me my bollocks (after a lot of arguing!).
I’ve had intense friendships with the opposite sex before (I’ve even got the tattoos to prove it!) but this is different. It feels like I have to cherish it and never take it for granted.
I have to admit our friendship does affect relationships. There’s no telling some people that were just friends. I get asked frequently why we’re not together but it’s never been about that. Our friendship is way more important. Do I compare him to other guys? In all honesty, yes. It’s hard not to! I want someone who’s always there for me like he is, who doesn’t judge me, who accepts my crazy who wants to play ridiculous games and answer silly questions and looks out for me. I also want someone who I would take a bullet for because I know (and he knows!) I would for him. He literally means the world to me and it’s taken me long enough to realise I do to him. Also his hair and fashion sense on a tinderfella would be great but now I’m just being picky!
Recently sex and dating has become so empty and boring for me. I can’t stand one dimensional sex talk anymore. It’s not fun. But you know what? it’s not important! If I’m meant to fall in love this year that will happen, it’s ok not to get a million messages a day and get thumb burn from all the swiping and you know why? I’m happy and fulfilled with the people I’ve already got in my life, my soulmates.
I blog because I like writing. I like sharing my experiences whether they are funny, crazy or heartbreaking, I find it cathartic to write it down and then let it go. I don’t write a diary and have a rubbish memory so this is also a place I can look back on and reminisce what a crazy experience this whole online dating thing has been.
Farewell 31 day challenge! This month has gone by really quickly but it’s been fun writing on here everyday.
To be perfectly honest I don’t have any favourite blogs.
If somebody is kind enough to follow me I will go and have a look at their page and read some posts but I never really get the time to go on somebody’s site frequently enough for it to be my favourite.
That is one of my New Years resolutions actually, to engage more with other blogs and like and read more posts. I do actually enjoy reading about other people’s experiences.
I wrote a brief post recently about chatting to a ex pornstar and how his past never bothered me and that hasn’t changed, the fact is he has also turned into one of the most needy insecure people I have ever not met. I’m not turned off by his career but boy his personality is shit!
Firstly he couldn’t let it go that I speak to more than one person at a time on here. It’s what I’ve always done. I’ve said this before but it’s natural selection at its finest. I cast my net wide and weed out all the potentials from the never going to happens.
I was texting porno for a few days, didn’t feel any spark, didn’t sext him and I admit I probably did it out of boredom (sorry I get that’s mean) one night he had a ‘family emergency’ and didn’t text me, I think this gave me the excuse I wanted to cut him out and text Lips full time as we were getting on better and having more fun. Anyway me being too nice (or too stupid) didn’t cut him out completely because I felt sorry for him….my bad! cue loads of ranty essay, really badly misspelled (kinda embarrassing!) texts later trying to make me feel bad for finding someone better. I’m not going to apologise for chatting to more than one person, it’s never going to happen. Not my fault porny couldn’t see past that.
It’s ended with him blocking me which I find funny as I had no interest in texting him back, only kinda annoyed I didn’t get there first. He also called me slag yet says he has feelings for me… wow! and him thinking my mentioning my ex boyfriends name will hurt me! What a fucking nightmare. Trust me to attract the worlds most pathetic pornstar!
Lesson learned: stop rooting for the underdog and if I’m not feeling it cull them quicker!
****EDIT***** Matt the pornstar won’t go away and is now leaving comments on here. I would find this hilarious if it wasn’t so sad. Go back to getting paid as that’s the only way you’re going to get laid dear!
So I’ve recently been having a flirt up with a dude from POF and he told me he used to be a porn star. Am I weird that this didn’t shock me? It actually excites me a little bit as he’s had a lot of practice and is probably quite good!
He told me it puts other women off? Why? I don’t find it intimidating at all.I know I’m good at sex. So what’s the issue? We’ve all had sex. So what if he’s had a lot of it. Some of the horrors I’ve been with I wished I had charged them!…ok that sounded a lot less prostitutey in my head.
I asked a few male friends about this and they all said they wouldn’t date an ex pornstar. X said that he was worried what he would tell his mum. But if he liked her then surely his mum shouldn’t judge? I can’t figure out where X’s boundaries are? Porn stars, lap dancers and sex bloggers aren’t ok to date but just to fuck? Ok that’s another story…..
X porn star dude…let’s call him X Rated, told me he just did porn because he wanted to get money to build a dog sanctuary. He was only doing doggy for the doggies! That kinda made my heart melt.
Porn and stuff has never been an issue for me. I enjoy it. Ron Jeremy even follows me on Twitter! I’d ride that cuddly walrus like sea biscuit given half the chance! He even once sent me a birthday DM. Maybe he was subtly recruiting and I missed my chance? Oh man alive…that would have been amazing!
I just think people should be less Judgmental about people’s backgrounds. So he made some dough from getting a blow? There’s a lot worse ways to earn a living!