Privates are called privates for a reason, fellas!
Why has it become a thing (well an online dating thing!) that men think it's ok to tell you that they're wanking? I'm not talking about phone sex here because we all know I'm partial to that, but I mean after a few nice messages they then drop it into conversation. I don't need to know you're furiously knocking one out when I'm eating my breakfast thanks!
It's not sexy or going to get me in the mood (because I'm always in the mood…but anyway) it's just gross. There's a reason it's called alone time. And no I'm not helping you out either fellas….I just wanna eat my cocopops in peace!
So tonight I was chatting to an absolute hottie on Bumble, we were just getting to the sexting part when he sends me a selfie, I notice that it has a lot of…let's call it old lady tat… in the background and me being me, asks him and I quote 'what's up with the chintzy shit? Do you live with yo' nana?' He sends me back the GIF of Jonah Hill shaking his head looking disappointed. Now this is a clear indication for anyone to stop talking but no this is me remember?! So I continue with 'I hope she's deaf, because I'm loud' ( little lesson in flirting there ladies, you can even make being deaf sexy!) and I get the reply 'no she's dead' and then he unmatched me!
Now I'm wondering if I just swerved a massive Norman Bates shaped bullet because if she's dead then why is he still living in her house? Or was he just super offended by the term 'chintzy shit?' After I said that apparently not only had his nana died but his boner had as well.
Oh well much like his nanas ashes…another one bites the dust. It's shit like this which makes me think I shouldn't be allowed to talk to other human beings.
So what's new with me?
The subject of kids has come up again. I think I've just got to the age now where it's to be expected. I was chatting to a guy let's call him Christopher and we were getting along nicely on tinder so I gave him my number and his profile picture was him and a kid. I asked him and he said that it was his son and he had abuse (?!) before for it so he didn't mention him….so the opinion of random Tinderellas is more important than his 'world?' his words not mine. I told him straight that he should write it on his profile and if I'm being honest after what happened with Mr A I wouldn't have swiped him. Anyway, we made it to the phone call stage and I just didn't like him. His personality wasn't for me. He also said some really offensive things that he passed off as a joke but if they were then he just wasn't funny. So I shut down that shit. A hot face will never make up for a bad personality.
I also got a random snapchat add from The Londoner to which I replied 'oh fuck no' I do not wish to see that dickhead with a dog filter thanks!
So it's clearly all love and happiness my end! Mwah!
One of the most annoying things ever online dating is on Tinder when you see a really hot guy as you swipe you're already imagining your life together, planning the wedding, naming the kids and what colour pug you want (or in my case what positions were going to be doing!) and yay he swipes back!….but then you start to message and he's dry AF and his spelling is all off.
The disappointment is real.
So I'm back to having multiple fun sexy conversations and it's been good for me, even if the deeper connection isn't there yet it's still nice not to be burdened by other people's issues.
I haven't heard from Mr A, I guess it goes to show who he is that he can't even apologise for the last really shitty week. I'm still a little wounded by the fact he wasn't who he made out he was but that's online dating for you, people lie to get what they want.
Anyway, I do have a date planned for the weekend….if we manage to pull this (not him….yet!) off then it will be a very long time coming…..3 years in fact! I ll keep you posted!
So I woke up this morning and realised I was done with Mr A.
I should have actually been done when this all started going wrong but I held on to the fact things were a little different with him and that was stupid of me. Things have been a little different with lots of different people in the past so I don't know why I was blinded this time.
He's too angry and bitter. I always think how you react in bad situations shows a lot about you as a person and he's reacted awfully in this one. As I said I'm not going to tell you what's been going on as it's not my place but just because he's been treated badly does not give him the right to treat me badly back. I tried with him, I let him off thinking that it was the situation and underneath he was a nice guy but after the 75th rude and abrupt message I'm done. I can't help him, I was stupid thinking I could. He's at that stage where he's wallowing and making everything worse and fucking himself over in the process. I would be crazy to start off anything with someone like that. I need laid back and fun not someone who's ready to explode.
Looking back I should have seen this coming. Since day one he has told me about this problem and I shouldn't have ignored the way he spoke about it and honestly he shouldn't be on dating sites when he's got all this going on as he's projecting and spreading shit that people just don't need. I get everyone has their issues….read this blog I'm teeming with them but I would never let anyone who I was dating see them.
So it's back to the apps…. I feel ok about it, I've been at the beach the last couple of days so it feels like it's a fresh start.
Recently I’ve been chatting to Mr A, no shit Sherlock from the title of this blog!
Mr A is one of those rare guys that come along when I’m talking to two or three others and alphas the fuck out of them so Mr B, C and D get phased out and I start to panic that I’ve put all my eggs in one basket! But what’s the point in texting the others when I get the biggest thrill from seeing As name on my screen?
Mr A has veered away from my type this year which has apparently been chavvy wrongens and is back to the skinny hot beardy guitar player that I know and love but he’s much more than a hot face and nice body (saying that he has both of these!) he’s a father of two for a start, if you’ve read this blog before that’s never been the most ideal situation for me but the way he talks about them and having relationships is really reassuring and puts my mind at ease. I like the fact he seems normal and has a stable job. We text all day and speak on the phone and it doesn’t end in dick pics and whatsapp wanks. We do talk about sex but that’s not the main part of the conversation.
We’ve arranged to meet at the weekend (if I don’t fuck it up…hello self destruction my old friend!) and I’m excited about it for once I actually give a shit and don’t feel empty and detached. So wish me luck!