Son of a preacher man.

So I have a date on Friday with The Scientist. He’s cute and funny and is just nice. The spark isn’t 100% there for me yet but after my last blog post I’m going to give him a chance. I do like him but I have a feeling I’m probably going to be a bit much.

The funniest thing is, is that his dad is a vicar. Can you imagine this going well and me being introduced to a vicar?! I have the worst potty mouth ever! I don’t even deliberately do it, it just slips out. The scientist rarely swears as it is so I have to bite my tongue a lot. But I can see me accidentally saying the worst possible thing.

He does seem super innocent as well so I hope I can corrupt him…I mean open him up a little bit. I think this is why I like him. He’s the opposite to any one I’ve recently spoken to. He’s kind and caring….any way I ll keep you updated!

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Saturday thoughts: why do nice guys finish last?

Why is it that I can be talking to the sweetest most lovely guy who I know would be great for me and treat me like the fucking queen that I am but I feel nothing for them and yet the horrible bellends are the ones that get stuck in my head and under my skin?

I’m not talking about bad boys here I’m talking about the guys who get kicks from making you feel like shit, you know the ones. They say the most hurtful and mean things and pass it off as a joke, they never let you forget your mistakes but keep making their own, get you to change but aren’t willing to. They make everything a test and are waiting for you to trip up just so they can pick you apart, they get offended when you treat them badly but they’ve been treating you that way all along. They act the Billy Big Bollocks behind their phone but when it comes down to it have no bollocks at all. Yeah THEM GUYS!

Why is no one (well no one I’ve encountered) a mixture of both of these? Nice but not cringey. Sweet but not a walkover. Funny but not cruel. Forgiving and able to forget. Willing to take action and not just say empty words….annnnnd have a big pair of bollocks?

Where you at mate? Where. Are. You. At?!?!

It’s never going to work.

So I’ve come to a conclusion why online dating doesn’t work for me, relationship wise, not one night stand wise.

Firstly there’s too much choice. I’ve touched on this before how I’m always thinking that the next swipe will be better than the last. It’s overwhelming. It’s like being able to have all the flavours of Ice cream you’ve ever wanted but can’t even make a confident choice about one.

Everything is too fast. ‘I like your face’ swipe right! ‘Your bio is boring’ swipe left! Expectations are too high and nothing is left to develop. How much can you really know about someone through a few dates or whatsapp? But if I don’t feel it I instantly just shut them down.

I think about the thousands of messages (not being cocky, I’ve been here a while!) that I’ve ignored because they just say hi or hey. What if they are just shy or shit at messaging? but I don’t give them a chance.

The first person who I was infatuated with I would never have swiped them on Tinder, he wasn’t my type at all looks wise but after spending time with him I had hella feels. Then there’s my beloved X, I would have 100% swiped him but I don’t think it would have gotten past messaging. I’m too sexual and flirty and he’s too unique. So I would have missed out on two people (especially X) who mean or have meant a lot to me.

Instant sparks are over rated as well, it’s all about sustaining chemistry. No sparks at the beginning doesn’t mean there won’t ever be sparks down the line. Recent instant sparks have lead to fire works then full time explosions all for nothing when I’ve only ever whatsapped them. I guess it works both ways. Letting things develop can mean the person you thought was right for you is completely the opposite.

It all comes down to time for me. I don’t have a lot of it spare and it’s precious for me so until now I’ve been choosy in who I give it to. (Choosy and wrong! See all previous posts!)

Going forward what am I going to do knowing that it probably isn’t going to ever work for me? Am I going to give up? Of course not! I’m going to try and be a bit more mindful of others and less judgemental on their first message. I’ve still got just over two months of this year to go after all!

Mr Wright #2. One year later.

Regular readers of this blog will know that Mr Wright 2 is in the top 5 hottest ever guys I’ve spoken to and in the bottom five personality wise, (a thumbs up emoji is not a substitute for a personality poppet!) anyway throughout the year he hits me up on Snapchat and we…you know…we became master-mates.

Recently I stopped getting anything out of it though, actually tbh I’m not sure I ever got anything out of it, other than the fact I’m never going to complain about a seriously hot guy sending me pictures of his piece and telling me he’s wanking over me. The thing was, he made it weird. After we got off he would block me. I’m not sure why? I never messaged him once, we have nothing in common, at least if we were knocking one out I didn’t have to read his poor banter. But he would do it every time and I would forget about him until he would re add me again.

I shut this shit down the other day and just blocked him, he’s hot but I’ve seen his dick so much now I could pick it out of a lineup. I’m also not down with all his weird nonsense. He was only ever using me for a more personal wank.

I need to stop giving people like this the time of day and only talk to people who actually bring something to my life. I was never going to meet Wright as I know the date would have been so bland. All this is just wasting my time and distracting me from finding my beloved. I’m too easily turned by being horny and someone with a pretty face.

Sunday funday.

Just like I predicted in my previous post my situation has changed and now I’m chatting to three really nice guys. That’s one of the things I like about online dating stuff changes minute by minute.

Let’s have a run down…we’ve got…

The intellectual: He has floppy hair and nerdy glasses which I love. Intelligence wise he’s clearly a bit smarter than me but I kinda like keeping up with him. So what that I have to google some of his references…means i’m flirting and learning!

The Local: Its weird for me to be talking to someone whose just a town away from me, conventionally good looking, seems nice and down to earth. He’s 26 which maybe a little young but as we all know I’ve never been into older guys so that’s not really a problem.

The Nerd: He’s funny and sexy, he seems quite shy and nerdy which I find endearing, he probably doesn’t realise that’s why I’m attracted to him. He sent me a picture and he was wearing a Star Wars tshirt…we will have to discuss that another time, men keep trying to get me into Star Wars…it’s weird.

Anyway after a month of being unhappy and being brought down it’s really nice to chill out and have some fun with nice guys for a change! Feel like it’s a step forward in getting back to myself.

Day 271.

So for the first time in 3…or is it 4 years now I’m not talking to anyone and I’ve gotta say it’s weird. Also let’s ignore the fact that the person who I want to text me is totally wrong for me and it’s a disaster but annnnnyyyywwwaaaayyyy….I know this will probably change soon and tomorrow I’ll have like six conversations on the go but until then my phone is dead.

My POF account randomly disappeared a few days back so I had to restart that, it’s still the same old faces and weird messages. Some dude asked me if I wanted to watch him play? I’m guessing he meant with himself and he’s not a live action charades champion.

My Tinder has been dry since X edited my bio to make it less (in his words!) sexual. To be honest I didn’t think it was that bad having ‘get laid or die swiping’ on there. Clearly a clever play on words and a homage to my homeboy 50 cent, it just shows I’m a OG not a HO.

Bumble as per usual has so much bait I need a fishing rod and today I got told I wasn’t fun because I said no to having sex with someone after one message.

OkCupid always seems to have such a weird mix of creatures and they’re always from Germany or somewhere super far away. Now unless you’re Alexander Skarsgard or even his brother Bill (ladies have you seen him? Is it wrong to fancy a muderous clown? sorry I digress) then I’m not doing the commute.

I guess it’s good to have a break but it’s also really boring! I miss wanting to chat to someone.

Sunday thoughts.

Privates are called privates for a reason, fellas!

Why has it become a thing (well an online dating thing!) that men think it's ok to tell you that they're wanking? I'm not talking about phone sex here because we all know I'm partial to that, but I mean after a few nice messages they then drop it into conversation. I don't need to know you're furiously knocking one out when I'm eating my breakfast thanks!

It's not sexy or going to get me in the mood (because I'm always in the mood…but anyway) it's just gross. There's a reason it's called alone time. And no I'm not helping you out either fellas….I just wanna eat my cocopops in peace!