EmbarrassMANt.

So I’m starting to find some men just  straight up embarrassing! There’s been two separate instances this week that have been laughable. 

Firstly I got a message on snapchat saying that this person had seen me on POF, I asked him to send me a picture, he wasn’t my type so I left it. He kept sending me messages which I ignored until I got one that said I must be a member of the EDL! Number 1, I had to double check what the EDL was as I first thought he meant EDF due to my sparky personality and Number 2, I didn’t reply to him because he was chubby and wearing a shiny suit, nothing down to the fact he was Indian! Just because I didn’t like you poppet doesn’t mean I’m leading the counter Jihad fight it just means you’re not my type! 

Secondly there was Mr Peck, yes I’m using his real name as he’s not interesting enough to have a nickname. He slid into my Twitter DMs, he seemed quite cool until he kept saying really sexual stuff that was just a bit creepy even though I wasn’t giving anything back he kept going but the final straw was when I corrected him on his use of the word ‘of’ and not ‘have’ just a simple joke that I would use on any one that was illiterate enough to think it’s ‘should of’ but Peck kicked off massively said I was a snooty cow and that this was why men only wanted to fuck me because I couldn’t be civil!…oh dear! Well clearly he’s a massive crazy so I blocked him. SHOULD HAVE done it sooner to be honest after he was text pestering me. 

Come on dudes you’re embarrassing yourselves! Please learn to take a hint and if it doesn’t go your way just let it go! The only league I’m joining at the moment is the one of unextraordinary gentlemen! 

The Evolution of Tan

Firstly I’m writing this post whilst I’m watching Magic Mike for the first time ever! I feel like I’m a let down to the female species that I haven’t seen this earlier. Have had sex to that pony song that’s in it though…that is the sexiest song ever! Anyhoo I going to get started before clothes start coming off. 

This post is all about taste and how mine has evolved over the years of doing this. I mean I will always swipe for the skinny bearded band member that’s standard but once upon a time I would always go for these fellas…

The Bald Guy: Usually with a beard,  looking back I’ve never been on a date with one but they always used to be my go to swipe, I’m not sure why. I like good hair. I always thought oral would be freaky…looking down and seeing one of the Mitchell brothers between my legs. 

The Ginger Guy: I ve spoken about these before, they are always so moody and and hung up on the colour of their hair, I’ve also never met one that can make me cum. 

The tattooed guy: I used to love guys with tattoos, I’m sure it even says something about this in my POF  bio ( I really need to change that!) but I think I’ve seen way too many bad ones! There’s nothing more distracting than a guy on top of me with ‘knowledge is power’ scrawled across his chest in script that my 4 year old niece could do better…maybe you should have had a bit of knowledge about the tattooist mate! 

Nowadays I don’t really have a type I just go on instinct….HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKBALLS….before watching this movie I would have never have swiped for a muscly guy but I’ve just seen Channing gyrate and I got a major tingle…I’m going to go and cool down. 

Synchronicity

Have you ever had a passing thought about someone and then they message you out of the blue? 

This happened earlier this week with Mr Wright II. When our date was cancelled I just blocked him and moved on didn’t give him a second thought until Tuesday when he randomly popped into my head. My head is like a pin ball machine full of random thoughts so I didn’t think anything of it until I was on my way to bed and I got a snapchat notification saying that Mr Wright II had added me. We got to talking again and yes it did lead to sexting. I don’t see a world where we would ever go out because even though he’s super duper hot we clash too much, but Tuesday night was fun and I’m not going complain about someone who looks like a supermodel snapping me their dick. 

The synchronicity thing happens to me a LOT though! So often have I thought about someone and then I hear from them or thought something and it happens. Shame it’s never Tom Hardy hitting me up after I’ve buzzed one out to him but hey ho. I wonder what it’s all about though? I’m not saying I have a sixth sense as anyone that knows me would know I would use my powers for evil! 

I have nothing at all to report online dating wise, not really talking to anyone. I’m going through a stage where I ll talk to someone for a few days and if they don’t capture my attention just phase them out. As I said before I’m not settling for anything less than a really strong connection and I’m sticking to that. 

In the mean time I’m just gonna keep on dreaming of Tom and hope the hope the world syncs us together! 

Young (ish), Wild (definitely) and free. 

I was having a conversation with my best friend about mutual acquaintances who have been with each other since school. It made me think a lot. I get that it’s super cute and all but aren’t they bored?! As much as I would like to find someone least I know what I want in a man or what I don’t want based on a fair few previous experiences. But these people literally know nothing else. Do they even really know who they are when they’re alone? Surely experiences are what shape you and make you? 

Maybe I’m talking bollocks because I’ve never been in love, I mean I get antsy spending an entire day with someone! I see loads of young couples where I live and work and they all look miserable. The thought of being in a mundane routine with the same face and penis every single day terrifies me. I’m well aware I’m getting on but if I met my beloved at 16 we would have been together for 16 years! Literally half of my life…that’s crazy to me! 

My own mission to fall in love this year has been derailed by the absolute wrongens I’ve decided to date but I keep thinking is falling in love something that I want or something that I think I want? 

I can connect with people quite easily but in 15 dates I’ve only carried on seeing 3 people and one of those was due to the fact he was really good at sex. I have learnt valuble lessons from all of them though. 

Seeing as I don’t want kids maybe I’ve still got a bit of time left to mess around? I do like meeting new guys There’s loads of things to do and people to see or in my case people to do and things to suck…I mean see, no. I mean suck. 

I know this post might not sound like it but I do love, love. Seeing old couples together make me melt but I know that realistically I’m never going to have that relationship that I can look back on and say ‘we were together for 65 years…he was my childhood sweetheart’ I’m ok with that. I can look back on all these different experienes knowing that some have been wonderful, some have been awful some have even been heartbreaking but at least it’s never been boring! 

Tinder troubles. 

Tinder, I have a bone to pick with you…50 million users yet you still keep trying to get me to swipe right on my ex boyfriend? Nah mate. 

I can cope with seeing people on there who I’ve had an ONS with or I’ve been on a date with but not him.  Every time I see him I get a weird surprising stab of anxiety in my chest. 

The first time and that second time a year later we got together made it clear we would never be a match so why does tinder have to taunt me? Im over this guy, I don’t let myself think about him so it’s so annoying seeing his face on my phone when I’m happily having a swipe. I’ve also repeatedly swiped left on this guy so out of everyone why does he have to keep appearing? 

His bio is a total lie, but I guess ‘I’m a fucking nightmare’ isn’t going to score him much pussy. He’s obviously still alone though so least he’s not projecting any of his shit on to anyone (yes I’m aware that I’m also still alone…let’s not pull at that thread!) also annoying that he hasn’t gotten fat or ugly which means dreams really don’t come true.

So sort your life out Tinder, yeah? And stop this nonsense or I’m going to have to cheat on you with my crazy sordid boyfriend mr POF. 

Happy Wednesday! 

*DISCLAIMER* I’ve adorned my ranty pants! 

So this morning I was going about my day on my way to work and I received a messaged from a guy who said he wanted to ruin me. I’m guessing he didn’t mean financially! I think ‘ruin’ is such a derogatory term. It sounds aggressive and not at all sexy. 

This guy has messaged me before and I’ve made it clear I’m not interested, when I told him this and if he kept going he would be ending up on POF Fails, I received these messages. 


So just because he can’t handle rejection he thinks it’s ok to threaten a stranger?! Funny thing is I don’t even live in Dunstable! 


Then he goes on how he’s found out who I am? So he’s online stalked me…not helping himself look less crazy is he? 

The thing is I was never interested in this guy because he looks really aggressive in all his pictures. I hate men that think they’re hard. It’s literally one of my biggest turn offs. Give me a pansy ass skinny dude with a beard any day! 

It’s not ok to send these kinds of messages though! If he’s going to be disgusting to me I’m not going to let him get away with it but no one deserves to be threatened. 

So fuck you bedscatman! Ironic you’ve called yourself that considering the closest you ll ever get to any pussy is your pof user name! 

Back at it. 

I massively been neglecting my swiping recently (see previous blogs!) so it’s time to get back on it. The thought doesn’t exactly fill me with the warm fuzzies because I’ve realised that as much as I like meeting new people I much prefer just concentrating on one person and finding out about them that’s way more exciting to me. 

I decided to reset my Tinder. I thought it was shady to hit people up whom I’ve ignored for a week. This feels better as it’s a fresh start and the chance to swipe all those hotties who my sausage fingers accidentally said no to the first time round! 

So far I’ve had quite a few matches and some nice little conversations here and there but it’s mostly been a trip down cringey memory lane. I’ve seen two people that I’ve hooked up with…Mr ‘I’ve got a huge dildo under my bed that I can dust off to make you cum’ that line still makes me laugh and simultaneously want to scrub myself clean and then Mr ‘pulls a really intense, distracting sex face’ I don’t know why I ever met him. Looking back he isn’t my type so the fact we got to third base in the cinema and then all the way back at his kinda makes me die inside. I’m the queen of the bad choice. I also keep seeing randos who I’ve had boring mundane conversations with. 

I’m still feeling positive and upbeat. I’ve still got 7 months on my mission to fall in crazy love and be happy. So far this year I’ve met one person who I saw a glimmer of hope of that with so I’m not going to give up!