Son of a preacher man.

So I have a date on Friday with The Scientist. He’s cute and funny and is just nice. The spark isn’t 100% there for me yet but after my last blog post I’m going to give him a chance. I do like him but I have a feeling I’m probably going to be a bit much.

The funniest thing is, is that his dad is a vicar. Can you imagine this going well and me being introduced to a vicar?! I have the worst potty mouth ever! I don’t even deliberately do it, it just slips out. The scientist rarely swears as it is so I have to bite my tongue a lot. But I can see me accidentally saying the worst possible thing.

He does seem super innocent as well so I hope I can corrupt him…I mean open him up a little bit. I think this is why I like him. He’s the opposite to any one I’ve recently spoken to. He’s kind and caring….any way I ll keep you updated!

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Mr Wright #2. One year later.

Regular readers of this blog will know that Mr Wright 2 is in the top 5 hottest ever guys I’ve spoken to and in the bottom five personality wise, (a thumbs up emoji is not a substitute for a personality poppet!) anyway throughout the year he hits me up on Snapchat and we…you know…we became master-mates.

Recently I stopped getting anything out of it though, actually tbh I’m not sure I ever got anything out of it, other than the fact I’m never going to complain about a seriously hot guy sending me pictures of his piece and telling me he’s wanking over me. The thing was, he made it weird. After we got off he would block me. I’m not sure why? I never messaged him once, we have nothing in common, at least if we were knocking one out I didn’t have to read his poor banter. But he would do it every time and I would forget about him until he would re add me again.

I shut this shit down the other day and just blocked him, he’s hot but I’ve seen his dick so much now I could pick it out of a lineup. I’m also not down with all his weird nonsense. He was only ever using me for a more personal wank.

I need to stop giving people like this the time of day and only talk to people who actually bring something to my life. I was never going to meet Wright as I know the date would have been so bland. All this is just wasting my time and distracting me from finding my beloved. I’m too easily turned by being horny and someone with a pretty face.

Hump day.

In a few days stuff has changed faster than Jimmy CumQuickly jizzed his pants.

The Intellectual is no more. After a quick FB stalk it turns out that his status was ‘in a relationship with so and so’ first I thought he could be a lazy fber and hadn’t changed it but I clicked on so and so’s page and there was loads of photos of them together. Not very intellectual, son! I found him on there in two seconds. For someone who made out he was so smart that’s a very rookie error.

The local has also gone. Nice enough lad but not for me. He just didn’t have enough about him. There’s a reason why I’m not attracted to people round here, I mean they’re ok for a day or two but can never hold my interest past that.

I’m still chatting to The Nerd sporadically but not massively feeling it. We had some hot phone sex but I think he peaked with that. He was also really into weed and I’m more bake off than getting baked.

There’s two new guys on the scene….

The Scientist: I think realistically I would probably eat him alive, he’s sweet and comes out with some funny lines but he’s a little dry. It’s probably a non starter as he has applied for a job that will take him 4 hours away, and I would only be up for that distance if I thought he was amazing.

The sound guy: This geezer is literally music to my ears! He’s hot, bespectacled and works as a sound engineer. He also has a famous dad, not that it matters but I can’t unsee it now I know.

I ll update you in a few days if anything else changes. Also tomorrow I shall update you with a post on Mr Wright 2: One year later.

Sunday funday.

Just like I predicted in my previous post my situation has changed and now I’m chatting to three really nice guys. That’s one of the things I like about online dating stuff changes minute by minute.

Let’s have a run down…we’ve got…

The intellectual: He has floppy hair and nerdy glasses which I love. Intelligence wise he’s clearly a bit smarter than me but I kinda like keeping up with him. So what that I have to google some of his references…means i’m flirting and learning!

The Local: Its weird for me to be talking to someone whose just a town away from me, conventionally good looking, seems nice and down to earth. He’s 26 which maybe a little young but as we all know I’ve never been into older guys so that’s not really a problem.

The Nerd: He’s funny and sexy, he seems quite shy and nerdy which I find endearing, he probably doesn’t realise that’s why I’m attracted to him. He sent me a picture and he was wearing a Star Wars tshirt…we will have to discuss that another time, men keep trying to get me into Star Wars…it’s weird.

Anyway after a month of being unhappy and being brought down it’s really nice to chill out and have some fun with nice guys for a change! Feel like it’s a step forward in getting back to myself.

Day 271.

So for the first time in 3…or is it 4 years now I’m not talking to anyone and I’ve gotta say it’s weird. Also let’s ignore the fact that the person who I want to text me is totally wrong for me and it’s a disaster but annnnnyyyywwwaaaayyyy….I know this will probably change soon and tomorrow I’ll have like six conversations on the go but until then my phone is dead.

My POF account randomly disappeared a few days back so I had to restart that, it’s still the same old faces and weird messages. Some dude asked me if I wanted to watch him play? I’m guessing he meant with himself and he’s not a live action charades champion.

My Tinder has been dry since X edited my bio to make it less (in his words!) sexual. To be honest I didn’t think it was that bad having ‘get laid or die swiping’ on there. Clearly a clever play on words and a homage to my homeboy 50 cent, it just shows I’m a OG not a HO.

Bumble as per usual has so much bait I need a fishing rod and today I got told I wasn’t fun because I said no to having sex with someone after one message.

OkCupid always seems to have such a weird mix of creatures and they’re always from Germany or somewhere super far away. Now unless you’re Alexander Skarsgard or even his brother Bill (ladies have you seen him? Is it wrong to fancy a muderous clown? sorry I digress) then I’m not doing the commute.

I guess it’s good to have a break but it’s also really boring! I miss wanting to chat to someone.

This is the shit we have to deal with.

This week has been a funny week for messages, I seem to have blown up on POF which is weird as I’m never that pops on there usually. As usual there’s just been the same selection of crazies though.

Take this guy, I love it when strangers take time out of their day to insult you.

This geezer clearly isn’t a fan of Snapchat. I look better with bunny ears! I’m not sure why it’s affecting his life so much he feels the need to message me? Also not entirely sure what werid means?

This was another one of my faves:

The awkward moment when you accidentally message the wrong person….tbh I’m super surprised this hasn’t happened to me yet as you all know I always text multiple peeps but if that’s the quality of his sex talk then nah.

Ok Cupid has also had some beauties this week.

Adam…what you on about boo? You want advice on your dick? Or the advice is that I’m a dick? Either way I’m gonna pass.

With that fringe Phillip couldn’t make a dolphin squirt. Also us? I mean I could be shooting myself in the foot and missing a gang bang but I can’t unsee that fringe.

I’m going to take some responsibility here and admit that my messages haven’t been the best either

But least I’m not just saying advice or Dick right?

Roc(oc)kets.

Whenever I stop focusing on one person and go back to the sausage party I always find it hard to get back into. Matches aren’t a problem but decent conversation is. Take the Rocket Scientist for example, Houston we have a problem! I thought I would be in for some nerdy scientist chat which I was totally up for but he keeps making lame ass rocket metaphors about his peen. Once was funny 247 times the joke wears thin, or the hottie on Tinder who opened with ‘Hun’ I kindly forgave him for that monstrosity but his chat is so dry he’s making my vagine feel like the Sahara. There was also the geezer who asked me if we were going back to mine or a hotel on the first date…erm neither, son. We weren’t even sexting he asked me how my day was and than said that. I know instant connections happen rarely but I have to hold out for more than rocket puns and seedy hotel rooms.