So I’ve spent another weekend with The Scientist. And it was another weekend full of sex, laughs, kisses, snuggles and all that other cute and cringy stuff that is probably making everyone vomit right now. We even played Scrabble annnnd I beat him by 30 points…but we don’t talk about that. 30 POINTS though!
I like how when we hang out it’s so comfortable and we spend the whole time together laughing. I have zero anxiety when I’m with him, in fact the only anxiety I have at the moment is being anxious about not being anxious!
So I had my date with The Scientist, hands down the best. Date. Ever!
I’m not going to go in to all the details but it was over the whole weekend and involved pickles, horror movies, kisses, snuggles, sex, kisses, the beach, a power station, kisses, Essex, more kissing and fire works.
In a previous blog post I said nice guys finish last, I was wrong. For the first time ever I went on a date with someone who was so genuinely sweet and nice and he was hotter and sexier than any bad boy ever.
So I was having a conversation with X about our favourite moments together and mine was when I broke his bed, I realised that I’ve had quite a few embarrassing moments along the way with online dating dudes and a fair few with with X. I’m not talking about the bit after when I’m asking them to leave I’m talking about the before and erm…during.
So let’s get on to the bed, it was the first time I went to Xs house. (I clearly make the best first impression!!) and I was quite a lot drunky. All I remember was (and I still find this HILARIOUS) maybe sitti…stumbling on to it and it sinking then rolling over and it sinking some more. We had to spend the rest of the night at such a weird angle. Didn’t stop us doing all the bits though. Before you feel sorry for X that he had to shell out for a new bed, keep reading.
Talking of first impressions I remember the first time I ever went back to James’ room and we were being all sexy and he pushes me down on the bed except he pushed quite hard (don’t worry I like that!) and I smack my head so hard on this ridge round his bed that I actually see stars! My eyes rolled in the of my head that night for all the wrong reasons!
Our second date didn’t go much better imagine half way though a blowjob his room gets raided by the Feds? Yep that happened. Left a sour taste in my mouth in more ways than one.
My most awkward moment during was with X he was pounding away happily and half way through he gets a groin injury! So he pulls out and tells me he can’t carry on…erm…I don’t care if your leg has fallen off, son. You are finishing! He didn’t. The geezer half sexed me. Not cool. Three years down the line he’s obviously made it up to me but still.
Another awkward moment was when I fell asleep during phone sex. With someone who shall remain anonymous. To be fair it was at like 4am and we had been on the phone for hours. The thing was I styled it out and woke up before he noticed. My snoring and sex moans obviously sound the same. I was happy though I got a nap and a orgasm in one phone call!
Right I’m going to stop with these now. When I’m wondering why I’m single I should just look back at these shouldn’t I? I’m the girl that will break your bed and get off to sleep when I’m meant to be getting you off!
Before I start this post I best point out that it’s not about the time I went down on a sailor….
‘Submarining’ is another one of these dating terms that have popped up recently like catfishing and breadcrumbing. It means when someone disappears with out explanation and reappears with out one.
This has happened to me with one individual over the years of doing this…Mr Hot but Dull. I’ve been guilty of replying to him in the past mainly trying to get him to explain what the fuck he’s playing at. He always says he thinks of me and then texts…no mate you get pissed and start hitting up randoms in your phone book more like! I can’t even remember how long we spoke for initially? Maybe a few weeks. But he was so dull I let him go. Since then he must have messaged me probably four or five times for a few days and then disappeared. I always made it clear that nothing would happen so what was he getting out of it? We never had enough in common to be friends, and you know, I like to meet up with my friends not just sporadically text them. I always replied because I thought he was lonely and I’m a sucker for the underdog. The last time this happened though I just realised that it was bollocks and I’m not the RSPCA- it’s not up to me to be nice to waifs and strays!
Have I been guilty of submarining in the past? God no! If someone doesn’t do it for me anymore I’m not going to slide back into their DMs just because I’m bored or horny, which I guess this is the whole reason this has become a thing. Seriously peeps have you never heard of Netflix or porn?
Next time you think of doing this guys. Don’t. Theres only one time us ladies like a men going down, popping up and going down again.
So I have a date on Friday with The Scientist. He’s cute and funny and is just nice. The spark isn’t 100% there for me yet but after my last blog post I’m going to give him a chance. I do like him but I have a feeling I’m probably going to be a bit much.
The funniest thing is, is that his dad is a vicar. Can you imagine this going well and me being introduced to a vicar?! I have the worst potty mouth ever! I don’t even deliberately do it, it just slips out. The scientist rarely swears as it is so I have to bite my tongue a lot. But I can see me accidentally saying the worst possible thing.
He does seem super innocent as well so I hope I can corrupt him…I mean open him up a little bit. I think this is why I like him. He’s the opposite to any one I’ve recently spoken to. He’s kind and caring….any way I ll keep you updated!
Regular readers of this blog will know that Mr Wright 2 is in the top 5 hottest ever guys I’ve spoken to and in the bottom five personality wise, (a thumbs up emoji is not a substitute for a personality poppet!) anyway throughout the year he hits me up on Snapchat and we…you know…we became master-mates.
Recently I stopped getting anything out of it though, actually tbh I’m not sure I ever got anything out of it, other than the fact I’m never going to complain about a seriously hot guy sending me pictures of his piece and telling me he’s wanking over me. The thing was, he made it weird. After we got off he would block me. I’m not sure why? I never messaged him once, we have nothing in common, at least if we were knocking one out I didn’t have to read his poor banter. But he would do it every time and I would forget about him until he would re add me again.
I shut this shit down the other day and just blocked him, he’s hot but I’ve seen his dick so much now I could pick it out of a lineup. I’m also not down with all his weird nonsense. He was only ever using me for a more personal wank.
I need to stop giving people like this the time of day and only talk to people who actually bring something to my life. I was never going to meet Wright as I know the date would have been so bland. All this is just wasting my time and distracting me from finding my beloved. I’m too easily turned by being horny and someone with a pretty face.
In a few days stuff has changed faster than Jimmy CumQuickly jizzed his pants.
The Intellectual is no more. After a quick FB stalk it turns out that his status was ‘in a relationship with so and so’ first I thought he could be a lazy fber and hadn’t changed it but I clicked on so and so’s page and there was loads of photos of them together. Not very intellectual, son! I found him on there in two seconds. For someone who made out he was so smart that’s a very rookie error.
The local has also gone. Nice enough lad but not for me. He just didn’t have enough about him. There’s a reason why I’m not attracted to people round here, I mean they’re ok for a day or two but can never hold my interest past that.
I’m still chatting to The Nerd sporadically but not massively feeling it. We had some hot phone sex but I think he peaked with that. He was also really into weed and I’m more bake off than getting baked.
There’s two new guys on the scene….
The Scientist: I think realistically I would probably eat him alive, he’s sweet and comes out with some funny lines but he’s a little dry. It’s probably a non starter as he has applied for a job that will take him 4 hours away, and I would only be up for that distance if I thought he was amazing.
The sound guy: This geezer is literally music to my ears! He’s hot, bespectacled and works as a sound engineer. He also has a famous dad, not that it matters but I can’t unsee it now I know.
I ll update you in a few days if anything else changes. Also tomorrow I shall update you with a post on Mr Wright 2: One year later.