I feel like I haven’t blogged in ages but I’m kind of in a wierd place with it, I keep talking to ok guys and we arrange dates and it’s all going well til I just get bored. Literally one minute it’s going well and then the next day comes and all excitement and enthusiasm goes and I can’t be assed to text them.
Take the movie guy (he did something with movie makeup) we chatted and then had a nice call, and I’m sure we would have had a really nice date but he text me one day and I just didn’t reply.
And then the gnome (I know this is weird but he looked like a gnome! And once that was in my mind I couldn’t unthink it or unsee the image of him sitting on a toadstool going fishing!) was going really well until yesterday I just didn’t feel anything. He kept asking what’s wrong and I just gave him one word replies. I felt mean until he did the most ridiculous thing and dick pic-ed me out of the blue…talk about not being able to read a mood! After seeing his insufficient penis I was fully done. We had this morning text thing and I just left it, he got the hint as I saw he had then blocked me on twitter…score for you mate! Oh well saves me a job! I guess it’s awkward when you get no…praise?….is that what they want? From a dick pic.
This has been going on since Freckles, I was so in to him until the second he left my house and then it was nothing.
I think I’m all about the chase (fuck I’m such a man!) and then when I’ve got what I want I’m just not interested. I guess it’s going to take someone amazing to break that. Sorry Gnomeo It wasn’t you, but it’s summer, you little fellas love this time of year!
I massively been neglecting my swiping recently (see previous blogs!) so it’s time to get back on it. The thought doesn’t exactly fill me with the warm fuzzies because I’ve realised that as much as I like meeting new people I much prefer just concentrating on one person and finding out about them that’s way more exciting to me.
I decided to reset my Tinder. I thought it was shady to hit people up whom I’ve ignored for a week. This feels better as it’s a fresh start and the chance to swipe all those hotties who my sausage fingers accidentally said no to the first time round!
So far I’ve had quite a few matches and some nice little conversations here and there but it’s mostly been a trip down cringey memory lane. I’ve seen two people that I’ve hooked up with…Mr ‘I’ve got a huge dildo under my bed that I can dust off to make you cum’ that line still makes me laugh and simultaneously want to scrub myself clean and then Mr ‘pulls a really intense, distracting sex face’ I don’t know why I ever met him. Looking back he isn’t my type so the fact we got to third base in the cinema and then all the way back at his kinda makes me die inside. I’m the queen of the bad choice. I also keep seeing randos who I’ve had boring mundane conversations with.
I’m still feeling positive and upbeat. I’ve still got 7 months on my mission to fall in crazy love and be happy. So far this year I’ve met one person who I saw a glimmer of hope of that with so I’m not going to give up!
So I promised you I would write about the date and here it is.
I was speaking to Freckles a week to the day we went out, and boy did we speak! We had an 11 hour phone conversation plus endless voice notes texts and videos.
He wasn’t my normal type, if you read this blog you will know that kinda chavvy cheeky chappies really aren’t, but after talking to him I guess he won me over. Also I’ve been having such a drought online part of me wanted to try something different.
The date was itself was nothing special meaning we didn’t do any exciting activities or anything but that’s not what dating is about for me it’s all about the person, he met me from work, we had a drink and then he went back to my house. No we didn’t fuck but we pretty much did everything else.
For me that whole week seemed like such a bubble. I’m all or nothing and I will admit that week I was all. I felt we had a connection and it was a good date. We laughed and spoke about real things, the endless making out wasn’t too bad either!
The one word I can use to describe Freckles is complex. I’m not going to dig him out in this blog and say why because it isn’t fair, but I could tell from the off set and as the date went on he had issues. I knew after the date he would freak out because some of the stuff he did or said he laid his cards on the table which I actually thought was really brave for him to do.
As soon as he left my house in the morning I felt the bubble burst. He messaged me and said he had his daughter for the next few days and would speak to me after. I would have much rather he was honest and respectful (as I had been to him) and said he needed some time but this was also perfect as it gave me time to think, I was expecting to feel anxious that we weren’t speaking but I felt nothing, I thought I would be tempted to text him but I left my phone alone, I know deep down if I wanted this I would try and fight for it but I just didn’t. Maybe I also got freaked out.
Freckles was hot, funny, deep but sometimes someone has all the right ingredients but the recipe just gets mixed up. Liking someone is meant to be easy right?
I learnt a lot from this date though. I was for the first time in a really long time 100% myself and it was ok to be like that. I also learnt that going forward unless I feel the way I felt for Freckles in that first week then there’s no point, I’m so bored of settling and going on half hearted dates.
Am I disappointed that things with Freckles didn’t work out? No. I know in the long term that it would have gotten too intense. Am I disappointed the way he behaved after the date? Yes. Even though I didn’t feel anything I would still have liked the opportunity to be grown up and say it to him. I know that I treated him with honesty and respect and it’s shitty to not get that back but I have no hard feelings towards the guy, I think that he is just too heavily burdened by things that have happened that he’s closed off and anyone he meets will have to pay for stuff that has gone on before. He needs to know that not everyone is the same, some people just want to love and be loved.
I’m just happy we had that fun week and I got to meet someone unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.