Date #15. The aftermath. 

 So I promised you I would write about the date and here it is. 
I was speaking to Freckles a week to the day we went out, and boy did we speak! We had an 11 hour phone conversation plus endless voice notes texts and videos. 
He wasn’t my normal type, if you read this blog you will know that kinda chavvy cheeky chappies really aren’t, but after talking to him I guess he won me over. Also I’ve been having such a drought online part of me wanted to try something different. 
The date was itself was nothing special meaning we didn’t do any exciting activities or anything but that’s not what dating is about for me it’s all about the person, he met me from work, we had a drink and then he went back to my house. No we didn’t fuck but we pretty much did everything else. 
For me that whole week seemed like such a bubble. I’m all or nothing and I will admit that week I was all. I felt we had a connection and it was a good date. We laughed and spoke about real things, the endless making out wasn’t too bad either! 
The one word I can use to describe Freckles is complex. I’m not going to dig him out in this blog and say why because it isn’t fair, but I could tell from the off set and as the date went on he had issues. I knew after the date he would freak out because some of the stuff he did or said he laid his cards on the table which I actually thought was really brave for him to do. 
As soon as he left my house in the morning I felt the bubble burst. He messaged me and said he had his daughter for the next few days and would speak to me after. I would have much rather he was honest and respectful (as I had been to him) and said he needed some time but this was also perfect as it gave me time to think, I was expecting to feel anxious that we weren’t speaking but I felt nothing, I thought I would be tempted to text him but I left my phone alone, I know deep down if I wanted this I would try and fight for it but I just didn’t. Maybe I also got freaked out. 
Freckles was hot, funny, deep but sometimes someone has all the right ingredients but the recipe just gets mixed up. Liking someone is meant to be easy right? 
I learnt a lot from this date though. I was for the first time in a really long time 100% myself and it was ok to be like that. I also learnt that going forward unless I feel the way I felt for Freckles in that first week then there’s no point, I’m so bored of settling and going on half hearted dates. 
Am I disappointed that things with Freckles didn’t work out? No. I know in the long term that it would have gotten too intense. Am I disappointed the way he behaved after the date? Yes. Even though I didn’t feel anything I would still have liked the opportunity to be grown up and say it to him. I know that I treated him with honesty and respect and it’s shitty to not get that back but I have no hard feelings towards the guy, I think that he is just too heavily burdened by things that have happened that he’s closed off and anyone he meets will have to pay for stuff that has gone on before. He needs to know that not everyone is the same, some people just want to love and be loved.  
I’m just happy we had that fun week and I got to meet someone unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.  

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