Dating, online dating, funny, sex, words

Lady Mcpottymouth. 

So last night I got unmatched from a dude from Bumble for saying the word ‘masturbation’ yep that actually happened. 

We were having back and forth bantz, he works in agriculture so I was making all my best welly jokes then he asked how I chilled out so I said ‘Netflix and masturbation’ and then bam…he disappeared forever! What an absolute prude, like that’s not exactly how he chills out as well. 

The thing is I have to put up with disgusting messages on a daily basis. Just the other day someone opened with how they would like to stick 4 fingers (I’m not a fucking kit Kat) up my ass and I just laugh, screenshot them for the group chat and move on. 

I can’t believe this guy was so mortally offended by the word masturbation! It’s the proper term! I could have said wank but oh no I’m filthy but technical. 

Oh well he obviously wasn’t for me. I have the worst potty mouth so if masturbation led to me being unmatched can you imagine if I slipped in the word cunt? He would have called his mum to come pick him up. 

You can still be a lady and swear. I can wear my twin set and say fuck a lot. They’re just words. 

Any way it’s welly boots loss. His missed out on my epic boobs and blow jobs. Ironic that he’s probably going to have to masturbate instead.


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