I think it’s important to learn and grow (and by grow I don’t mean sit at home dwelling and tucking into a bucket sized tub of Ben and Jerrys!) from all the experiences that I’m having whether they are negative or positive so here’s what I learnt from Mr Wright.
Sometimes people are just inconsistant: Wright could be the loveliest person one minute and literally the opposite the next. No amount of me trying to be nice to him would ever have changed that. The glimpses of him being nice were amazing but I couldn’t handle the other side as it was exhausting.
Read signs sooner: After our first date he had a wobble about something stupid and I should have gotten out then because these wobbles continued. His insecurities brought out mine and made me feel anxious and on edge.
Make sure the other person can do casual sex: Probably the most important point when you’re supposed to be having CASUAL SEX! I know I can do it but clearly Wright couldn’t. I tried everything I could to be laid back about it but the way he was made it impossible. Every action I made was questioned and he always thought completely different to what was actually going on. I think he thought I wanted to desperately make things official when that couldn’t have been further from where I was at. If I (jokingly) said I liked him or suggested we leave my flat then I would get shot down which is such a horrible thing. I mean of course I liked him to some degree! I let him spend an incredible amount of time inside me and suggesting we go for a drink means I want a change of scenery not a boyfriend! Desperate to be official? Desperate for an orgasm…that. Is. All.
The next point is a little harder to make…I deserve better: All this dating has made me realise that I have serious issues with liking myself. I once got told that I was the type of girl who you would bang but never marry. I think this has always stuck with me so I’ve entered these casual situations and let the wrong men enter me because I don’t think I deserve any better. I need to change my opinion about myself if loving yourself first in order to get love is true.
Least I tried! I can be a difficult little fucker at times…ok most of the time but in this situation I was super caring and dare I say it…nice! Obviously that backfired on my ass but it felt good bringing out that side of my personality. I think I’ve gotten over this situation more quickly than others because I know that I didn’t fuck it up and I was the best version of myself.
I’ve just realised that I’ve been super honest about myself in this blog and that’s kind of scary! I need to think of a penis pun stat or you ll be thinking about what the fuck happened to the pure filth you are used to! It will be back….I promise!